Monday, March 31, 2008

Mouse Hands

Well this sucks! I have two computers at work that I use at the same time. So I have double mouse hands! Here is a chain mail I got:

Hello dear friends,

We just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year:

Thanks to you, we no longer open any public bathroom door without using a paper
towel.

We can't sit down on any hotel bedspread because we can only imagine what may have happened
on it since it was washed.

We have trouble shaking hands with anyone who has been driving because
the number one pastime while driving alone is picking your nose.
(Cell
phone usage may have taken over the #1 spot.)

Eating
a Little Debbie causes us a guilt trip because we can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats we have consumed over the years.

We can't touch any woman's purse for fear she once placed it on the floor of a
public bathroom. Yuck!

We send special thanks to whoever sent us the one about poop in
the glue
on envelopes. Now we must use a wet sponge with every
envelope that
needs sealing.

Also
for the same
reason, now we must scrub the top of each can before we open it.

We sent all our savings to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who
is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th
time.

And now we're penniless, but that'll change once we receive
the $15,000
that Bill Gates, Microsoft and AOL are sending us
for participating in their special e-mail program.

We no longer worry
about our souls because we have 363,214 angels looking out for us, and St.
Theresa's novena has granted our every wish.

We no longer eat at KFC because all their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

We no longer use cancer-causing deodorant, even though we both smell like water buffaloes
on a hot day.

Thanks
to you, we have learned that our prayers only get answered if we
forward an
email to seven of our friends and make a wish within
five minutes.

Because
of your concern, we can no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet
stains.

We can never buy gasoline unless someone is along to watch the
car so
a serial killer can't crawl in the back seat when we are pumping
the gas.

We can't drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper because the people who make
these products
are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on
their cans.

We don't use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
cancer.

And
thanks for letting us know we can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore
because it will blow up in our face and disfigure us for
life.

We no longer check the coin returns on pay phones because we could be
pricked with
a needle infected with AIDS.

We never go to shopping malls any more, because someone could drug us with a
perfume sample
and rob us.

We refuse all packages from UPS and FedEx
since they are actually Al Qaeda
in disguise.

We no longer shop at Target because they are French
and don't support our American
troops or the Salvation Army.

We're afraid to answer the phone because someone could ask us to dial a
number for
which we will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore and Uzbekistan.

We won't buy expensive Neiman
Marcus cookies now because we have their recipe.

Thanks
to you, we'll never again use any toilet but our own because big
brown African
spiders lurk under the seats to bite our butts and cause instant death.

And
thanks to your great advice, we can't ever pick up a $5 bill lying in
the parking
lot because some
sex pervert probably put it there and is underneath our car waiting to grab our legs.

We can no longer
drive our cars because we can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

Now! If you don't send
this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with
diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon, and the fleas from 12
camels will infest your armpits and cause you to grow a hairy lump. I know this is true because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician...

Have a wonderful
day!

Oh, by the
way.....

A German scientist
from Argentina has
discovered after a lengthy study that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail
with their hand on the mouse.

Don't
bother taking it off now,
it's too late!

Dumb man

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

'What was that for?' he asked. 'That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,' she replied. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on" he explained. 'Oh honey, I'm sorry,' she said. 'I should have known there was a good explanation.'

Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.

When he came to, he asked, 'What was that for?'

She replied, 'Your horse called.'

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I am so freaking nervious

Good thing I have krav tonight to punch out my anxiety.

Pray for me and wish me luck

Monday, March 24, 2008

Happy Easter

Happy Easting and remember Bush wants you to remember the slain solider in Iraq and keep supporting their mission.



“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.”

Police oppression

"Federal court on Monday is set to hear the 2005 case of a man beaten by three Austin police officers.

Ramon Hernandez was beaten and shocked with a Taser during a September 2005 arrest for leaving the scene of an accident, a charge that was later dismissed. That following March, two of the officers involved were found not guilty of official oppression."


The police down in socialist Austin are pretty brutal...to anyone not white. Its never been a secret and they do so very little to hide it. Oh sure..every once in a while when the ACLU comes in and defends someone they go into a "sensitivity training" class to appease the public and try to cleanse the publics moral conscience of any wrong doing.

But lets face it....the executive thug force of the mayor has wrought with improprieties. Do a google search for the Austin PD. You will find that they are constantly getting sued for wrongful death, police oppression, racial slurs, mistreatment of any not white, and a growing and interesting list of news that will just boggle your mind.

Try and find the video of this event that I linked too. The poor son of a biscuit is hand cuffed, face down in an ant hill. Getting punched by a brutally strong officer of the law, then getting kicked, and tasered 11 times.

Is it really in the police manual that everyone that gets arrested must be unconscious?

Back from vacation

So here I am in my cubical at work, listening to the Avett Brothers, and catching up on 200 or so more e-mails. I've been on a week long vacation and everything to leave work for any measurable length of time you get a back log of e-mails.

It was a nice vacation! Monday was St. Patricks day AND my wedding anniversery! My wife, daughter, and my wifes mother all muster up the courage to brave Austin for a few hours. There is one shinning emerald in downtown Austin, The Dog and Duck pub. It is where "they" hold the yearly Irish new year.....er.....Saint Patrick's day to y'all. Plus Steve and Celeste, good friend and married to each other, meet us down there. It was a load off fun and for some reason the Scottish element came out and decided to join the fun with the bag pipes and skirts. Oh well....everyone is Irish on St. Patties.

Tuesday......pffffffffttttt....really can't remember what I did

Wednesday...played video games and went to Krav class

Thursday I tried to change the oil and managed to almost strip bald my drain plug

Friday got a call I've been waiting for. I'll tell you about it later down the road if everything pans out.

Saturday started work on the front walk way that the wifey has been asking me to complete for the last.....six or seven months :P

Sunday I spent in a state of depression as I realized I had to go to work the next day. I did go get to see my wifes mother. Always good to see her. I also got to visit with my grandmother and Aunt and Uncle later on in the day.

My vacation was anything special in terms of some grand adventure but it was nice and I REALLY need a break from work. Even as I type this I wish I had another vacation coming up....

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Busy as all get out

Lord have mercy! I have been busy as all get out as of late. I have way more work than I can do. Not to mention what I am paid. Still, I got to do it so I can pay the bills.

Then you add my Krav Maga classes and the spring yard work and I just don't have a lot of time. I need to still down and write all these stories I have bouncing around in my head before I go crazy. So I'll dedicate one night this week to write and then I'll have some new posts for you folks to read.

Sorry about the lack of updates.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Justice Reform

Now THIS my kind of justice reform!

We just need to add an extra procedure to the criminal justice system. All child sexual preditors are to be walked past the ninth floor balcony.....which will happen to be open and happen to have no one guarding it.

I would even go so far as to make it a first degree felony for anyone trying to interfere/save a convict trying to "expedite" the process.

HCB Town

HCB Town is growing fast! We now have a bunch of double wides, several paved roads, TWO apartment buildings, and a whole bunch of factories. We just hit 60 people!

Reminder to hit

http://hcb-town.myminicity.com/ <--- for people

and

http://hcb-town.myminicity.com/ind <--- for jobs

Monday, March 3, 2008

Something I like to do on Monday morning

I like to put on a little Norman Greenbaum, crank that puppy up, and cancel my morning meeting with my manager.

Yeah.....I'm easy to make happy.

I jumped on a surfer because I can...

Pick the month you were born:

January-------I kicked
February------I loved
March--------I karate chopped
April----------I licked
May----------I jumped on
June----------I smelled
July-----------I did the Macarena With
August--------I had lunch with
September----I danced with
October-------I sang to
November-----I yelled at
December-----I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:

1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a snowman
6-------a gangster
7-------my mobile phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbor
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19------ - a smurf
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a surfer
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:

White---------because I'm cool like that
Black---------because that's how I roll.
Pink-----------because I'm crazy.
Red-----------because the voices told me to.
Blue-----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green---------because I think I need some serious help.
Purple---------because I'm AWESOME!
Gray----------because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.
Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange--------because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway.
Brown---------because I can..
Other----------because I'm a Ninja!
None----------because I can't control myself!

Now type out the sentence you made