Things not thought about in company gym

1. Changing in the locker room
2. of said locker room, seeing my co-workers get undressed
3. of said co-workers, a disturbing poportion of them have no issue with streaking across the locker room
4. of said streakers, some do not streak and instead that a leisurely stroll
5. of said strollers, one is a total muscle freak
6. of said freak, he smiled at me when I was getting dressed

Creep factor is past the red, broke the glass, and is making 360 degree loops around the gauge. I'm taking a F'ing cattle prod in next time. I'm going to get all University police on him and Don't taze me bro! if he so much as leaves my center vision.

You may call my Andy and this is Shawshank.

Working out

Here at, "Work-you-to-death" incorporated, HQ we have a gym. Its a nice gym and I think it had something to do with all the employees getting fat and dying that prompt the company to open it. They always deny that and claim it is cause they care.

ok, stop laughing now.

Last week I signed my fat arse up to the gym! And what started the big ole' ball of misery was the nice 196 lb. reading I got from the scale. Keep in mind that my body type, the Bruce Lee type, sits at 140 lb. (I think) average weight. I know you Andre the Giant type would love to weigh in at 196 again. But this isn't about you.....its about me. Focus!

So I have certified dun-lap when I wear a certain pair of jeans...so it was that and the scale thing that started all of this.

The good news that either my muscles are very happy that this is going on - or - I just never noticed this but my arm muscle definition is almost totally back. To my 2 years ago look...not my Bruce Lee look of the High School years. I noticed one of the Gym staff looking but I don't think it was out of oogling. It was more of a "Big ol' tummy and arms like that.....how does that work?" look. Answer: Masturbation, pure and simple! Tons of it....and I am going blind at the same time.

So there kids! Don't listen to your parents or your friends. Spanking your monkey at least three times a day is a sure fire way of getting looked at by the hot gym staff....just make sure you are not in the gym while you are spanking away.....the looks are totally different at that point.

Link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21367579/

SAN FRANCISCO - City health officials took steps Thursday toward opening the
nation’s first legal safe-injection room, where addicts could shoot up heroin,
cocaine and other drugs under the supervision of nurses.

So my stance on drug use is this: Its my body, keep your damn laws off of it!

The worst drug I use is coffee and then hard liquer. Still its the principle of the issue that is the reason why I am so vocal about it. Where on Earth did we get the opinion that drugs are so bad that "we" will not let you decide if you can use it or not.

Honestly folks, this is America. Our State and Federal law should only extend to the point of enforcement of Civil rights not preservation of someones sense of morals.

So I see a city in California, of all places to protect a right (weird huh), that is opening a clinic for "hard" drug users. I call hard drugs stuff like Heroin, Meth, etc. Basically the stuff that has to be cooked up in a lab. Coke, Acid, Mushrooms, Pot doesn't fit into my category of "hard drug".

I think this is pretty cool. I mean those nutty Euro's found a good starter place with the balance of Civil Rights vs. Social Acceptance. Its a start but look at how they do it. You pretty much can do any "soft drug" you want as long as you stay off the streets. The "Hard" drugs you have to go to a clinic to buy and use. I think they make you stay during your buzz also, not totally sure on that.

Anywho, I find this to be a much better policy on drugs than are current WAR ON DRUGS. I mean freaking hell....why do we have to tote either the Republicrat or Demolican party line. Why can't Americans have their absolute liberties back? Piss on the War on Drugs and pass the peace pipe....

Weird quotes from work 10-16-2007

Co-worker: "The people at site x are not showing up in the system. The site is not going to open"

HCB: "Open! How can they open! They all turned into ZOMBIES and are randomly attacking people. How can you talk about opening at a time like this?!?! Save yourselves!"

Co-worker: ".................................................................................."

Co-worker 2: Here's two bucks......go get yourself a coffee.

HCB: *Skipped down the hall to go get some coffee*

The new roommate

It must have been just before the butt crack of dawn when I was stepping out of my room as I was buttoning my dress shirt. It was Thursday and my mind was already on todays agenda. Meetings, meetings, meetings, and maybe some more meetings.

My daughter, wife, and mother were in the living room getting my daughter dressed and playing around a little. I don't know what promted me to look at the ceiling...my Jedi senses jsut told me to look. And there.....on the ceiling.....was this little fella

That's a big fuzzy and hug able tarantula! These little critters are great! They eat the little things I don't want in the house. And from time to time the decide to break the perimeter and run an incursion into the house. Tis' fine with me.

My fear of tarantulas is right on the same level as turning the light switch off right after I have stepped out of the shower. Caution serves the best purpose. Plus I want them having little tarantula orgies on my property. Its the pest control I am shooting for here.

In the end I got this little fell in my sons bug catcher net and catapulted him over the front porch. His landing, for all you PETA folks, was a nice dew covered grass patch. I apologize to all the PETV (People for the Ethical Treatment of Vegetation) that I attacked the grass with the spider.

The Brisket

Here is a pic of the smoke ring on the Brisket

BBQ from last weekend

Well we had a few of you loyal reader out last weekend for the very disappointing OU vs UT game. I really cant' say much about it other than we played like a bunch of scared little kids. Maybe I just expect the Horns to be that bad arse team of yesteryear. Stripping the ball, interceptions, forcing fumbles, etc. We were just a fierce team...not to be F'ed around with. Now.. its is like a nursery school for Colt.

MOOOOVING on! I went shopping with the dynamic duo of Toby and Elvin the day before the game. Besides the typical flurry of gay suggestions that I switch team from Toby (in your dreams bud.....which you can just NOT tell me about) we managed to stock up on all the necessary fixins for a proper BBQ.

The next day I was up a 4am to worship the BBQ gods. Starting with a nice fire of coals and moving on to a mix of Hickory and Mesquite. It was round 5:30 am or so when the sun started to peak around the hill and the rosters start to crow. I tell you...it was a piece of heaven right there.

*The gold colored thing you see there is the "foil hat" I put on the Brisket. After a couple of hours of smoking fat side down you want to flip it and put a hat on it.*

During the smoking I put on some Brisket (which I spent all week eating), Ribs (on the left), and beer can chicken. First off let me tell you that this was some of the best damn Brisket I have ever had. I know I didn't "nail it" like some of these professional BBQ cooks. Buy hey, when you got a fresh brisket sizzling right of the grill and the juice just over flowing the plate....sure beats a BBQ house hands down.

As I said I cooked us up some ribs. Now I have done ribs twice before and they turned ok. I mean that.... just ok. I never really cooked them the way they need to be cooked. This time however I smoked the devil out of'em. Six full hours of smoke and I tell you they fell right off the bone when I was putting them on the plate. Some mighty fine ribs...I really do like they way the turned out.

Beer can chicken....ok. I am getting sick of making beer can chicken. Its almost to easy and to tell you the truth. I would rather smoke ribs for six hours then a B.C.C. for two. The flavor, the smell, the everything ....... well. You get the idea.

All in all the BBQ was great and that was really about all that day that was great. Freaking Horns....

*By the way I improvised a grease trap for my grill. A Shiner Bock beer can held by a coat hanger. Now you know how we won the war against Mexico

EDIT: I was implying the ability of improvising in the face of challange. Not some sort of slang or something. Don't get your panties in a twist*

Catching up

ok, I know. A few of you have been asking when I am going to post next. Well, I said last night but I got lost in the moment. See....I have been working my tail off. Usually from 7am to 10pm I am trying to hammer out some work for a project. I still have a whole lot more to do but I have a lull in deadlines. I get to take a few days to relax before I jump back into it.....so I here am I, posting.

Government...tracking a blogger near you!

El Linko

The modern day search for/the Grendel(s) has netted the United States Government a new and powerful tool. It is a computer web searcher of some sorts and it allows Imperial officials to search out "bad guys" on the interweb and I assume to go blow them up. We usually blow things up...even when they are already blown up. I guess to prove that we do it better. And we do....

Dark Web's capabilities are also being used to study the online presence of extremist groups and other social movement organizations. Chen sees applications for this Web mining approach for other academic fields.

The "Dark web", as it is called, also helps Imperial officials to track just about anybody they deem worth tracking. Say... political opponents, opponent political organizations, political action groups, anti-government dissenters, upset people with the government, and people demanding better service at the airport. All sorts of useful stuff...

Which....um... for the record. I pay my taxes....please don't kill me

Holy snapping sheep shyt

Michigan is voting or has voted for a [sales?] tax increase of 3.90% to 4.35%

Link

Carol Anne Gotbaum

El linko de facto ex post newpapero for the storyo

Carol Anne Gotbaum died just the other day. She ended up involuntarily taking her own life when police arrested her for....well nothing really. Mrs. Gotbaum, a mother and seems like a normally nice woman, was arrested for protesting the level of customer service she received at an air port.

Upset that she was not allowed to board a plan that appears to not have left the tarmac, she got (understandably) upset. Now normally you can show your frustration with a company and demand to speak to a manager. You may go through normal channels to exercise your rights as a customer. You can, as the person that is paying, DEMAND the level of service you have paid for. That is unless you are at any of the following: ANY government building or agency (specifically the congressional building when General Petraeus is speaking), ANY University (when a government official or presidential candidate speaking), OR ANY airport, seaport, or any other center of mass transit.

She took her own life by trying to get the hand cuffs off of her and some how managed to choke herself to death....
while left alone ....
in a room ....
with no one to supervise her ....
while she was in custody ....
for a new "whatever" crime ....

THE END

Adding salt to the wound

Number 3, Oklahoma lost this weekend to an unranked Colorado team...

Number 4, Florida lost this weekend to an unranked Univ. of Auburn...

Number 5, West Virgina lost this weekend to number 18 South Florida...

The gains for the horns would have been Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Longhorns and Colt McCoy

Colt.......dude
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.
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um.....really? You're young and first string QB for the biggest college team in college football. You got my respect. Can you talk to coach and ask for help with the mental game just a little more.

I mean you have a great arsenal in terms of mental calmness. You're not even shaving yet and you are the QB for the UT longhorns...that's tons of pressure. You're following Vince Young.....that's tons of pressure. You're playing in front of millions of people...that's tons of pressure. And now you lost to K-state two years in a row....unranked K-state.

Take it up a notch champ. You're going to be a legend if you can do it.