Crazy one more time

Crazy is just as six ways to Sunday

Go get'em tiger

28th Birthday

My birthday was actually back in May but here I am posting in whatever month this is......really what month is it? July! Oh hell.....ok so this is way over due.

Birthday was great! We ate at the Tokyo steak house in Austin Minor. They put on the normal crap show of stacked onion volcano, egg flipping, etc but it is still fun to see still. Shannon loved the volcano. I don't think she has seen fire before and was totally floored by the scene.

Alas, there were some people that I missed that I wish was there. Brian, Shane, Mikela, Pat and a few others. Still, the friends I had there was good and we enjoyed the evening.

I did manage to turn a few people on the hot Sakai and Monica showed me her cold Sakai .....and yes it is wonderful.


I managed to get a few pics of the evening. And as I am told I managed to call the manager a "Chinese son of a bitch". This was apparently in response to his learning it was my birthday and which of course called for something humiliating. Knowing me, drunkenness and humiliating .... I am either on the side I like or I am vexed on the receiving end. judging by the recounts of a banging drum, 30 little Asian people, and an entire restaurant looking at me....I can figure out why I said that.


Never the less I am not forbidden from this restaurant yet. At least there are a few left....

Happy Birthday to me....two months later.

Weird quotes from work 7-25-2007

Hill Country Blogger: Three hours of meetings.....that's 36% of my work day!

Co-worker: You're such a math geek

HCB: Math turns me on..... 1 + 1 = 2.....oh oh oh that's such a turn on

Co-worker: Um.....you don't have cable do you?

HCB: I just lose it at fractional math

Co-worker: Really? I thought you would at least make it to Calculus

HCB: I have premature calculation

Co-worker: OH MY GOD. I'm laughing and vomiting at the same time.

My gun badge

In the war of ideas, this is how you win

Defensively I have my own Patriot Act which oddly parallels the exact motion of loading a magazine into the .38's and aiming.

Offensively fighting a war of ideas look like this: http://www.imao.us/archives/cat_lolterizt.html

Work safe if your work doesn't ban humor or you don't work in Austin. Cause you know...hurting the terrorists feelings is insensitive and that is wrong. We don't hurt peoples feelings now do we?

*snicker*

we don't need no stinkin' badges

Thinkings about Cameron Diaz

What got me started about Cameron Diaz today is the movie "In Her Shoes"that the Wifey and I watched last night. It is a chick flick and I actually liked it. I think it was well written and made a bold move to steer clear of the line of crap that Sandra Bullock used to put out. It basically wasn't your average chick flick. I don't know, go rent it for yourself and you'll discover it had somewhat higher levels of thinking and complex thought that you don't see in chick movies. Not that guy movies are better.... ok well moving on.

I never really had a physical attraction to Cameron Diaz. I am not going to bash on her physical dimensions but I will say that they are oddly matched. I do have to say that her mammary glands are or were at some point boyishly small. I will say that her back side is smoking hot and her thighs are very nice. That's about all I can say about her..I mean go look at her. I don't know how she became a sex symbol.

As for her acting, I very much wish she wouldn't. She has the same character in every movie. When she does change "character" I can't help but to expect some hunter to burst onto the set and attempt a mercy killing before he realizes that there is no downed animal. Its just Cameron Diaz! Bubble headed, ditzy, boy-friend searching, blond who needs to be the center of a romancing. Could we possibly do Jennifer Aniston instead for these movies. She at least comes off as intelligent, sexy, well proportioned, and for the most part.....interesting.

So there it is. I am no fan of Cameron Diazs' acting or her career. Who knows I could totally eat my words one day or meet her in person and find out that she is a darling. But from the cheap seats..she gets a thumbs down......well unless I can see her in those undies again :P

Birthdays

Family has a whole mess of birthdays this month. We are having the parties tonight and are about to leave as soon as I finish this beer. Hmmmm, should be fun. Crazy people, beer, crazy people, small house, crazy people, and a dog.

something is going to happen....something and I hope I don't get a dog nose in the junk again.

Wish me luck...and if you like dogs, pray!

Buddy returns

Buddy is back.....in my house this time. I was watching something With Michael J. Fox before he got those damn shakes (I really am fond of his acting). So there I am enjoying a good MJF flick when I notice something on the floor.

Crawling on the floor.....

And yet again I have ANOTHER "Giant Desert Centipede" in my house.

Yeeesh

My new friend

As of late I have seem to have a new source of frustration.

Telemarketers

You know....before I had my own house I never had a problem this bad. Which made me think that having a house on your credit history puts you in the same category as a drunk cheerleader at a frat party.

I was a cheerleader today

My frat boy, who I named Buddy, was trying GIVE me a Mercedes. A dream for any girl. But alas he wouldn't take no for an answer. I was told that I was giving up on a once in a life time opportunity to have a prize of my own if I just did something for him.

Does anyone see where this is going? I mean the telemarketing part not the "your a pervert part".

I finally had to end our relationship with a threat not to call my CELL PHONE and not call my house. The wifey put us on the National Do-not-call-list which fails to work but at least gives you legal ground to start sueing....if you have the time.....and the money......and are really bored which I think ties into the time thing.

F.E.A.R. Update

Well this computer game is pretty damn creepy. It even beats out DOOM when it first came out which used to be the standard in the creepy meter. Well until Alice and a few other games came out that pushed the envelope. But F.E.A.R. takes creepy to new lows.

It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for that little girl. I can handle all the ghost and the dude that walks up but something about that girl freaks me out. Not to mention when the lights go out, I am in a dark elevator and I flip on my flash light and there she is staring at me and then my flash light goes out too. I must have wasted 3 grenades and three clips of ammo, 100% of my armor, and 98% of my health.

However, now it is getting to the point where I am mad. I am mad at this little ghost girl scaring the crap out of me. And now.....now I am looking for her. I want to take her down. I am tired of her sneaking up on me and I want to pull this into a fire fight. I want to give her a taste of what percussion grenade feels like when it is shoved in your eye socket.

You know.....if you ever watched FireFly and in particular the one about the dude that survives a Reaver attack.....it makes sense now. Not that I am about to start running my nuclear reactor dirty or anything! Or randomly punching little girls in the eye, that's just sick man. I have standards. I keep it focused on lawyers and politicians.

Save the Cheerleader...

Tam found this posting somewhere on the interweb about a terrible automobile wreck.

Bailey Goodman was driving her friends to her parents' vacation home when her SUV, which had just passed a car, swerved back into oncoming traffic, hit a tractor-trailer and burst into flames. Five days earlier, the five teenagers had graduated together from high school in Fairport, a Rochester suburb.

Goodman's inexperience at the wheel; evidence she was driving above the speed limit at night on a winding, two-lane highway; and a succession of calls and text messages on her phone were cited Friday by Sheriff Phil Povero as possible factors in the June 28 crash in western New York.

"The records indicate her phone was in use," Povero said. "We will never be able to clearly state that she was the one doing the text messaging. ... We all certainly know that cell phones are a distraction and could be a contributing factor in this accident."

Routine tests ruled out alcohol as a factor in the 10 p.m. crash, and police don't suspect drug use was involved. Goodman had only a junior driver's license, making it illegal for her to be driving after 9 p.m. without supervision or to be carrying so many young passengers.

No foul play, No drugs, No booz, and the drivers license did not jump out and prevent her from driving. Its just a case of simple acts of ignorance.

Sometimes your life amounts to a warning to others but its a shame she took four other beautiful young women with her. So parents if you could take some time out to share this article with your children and just let them know that traffic laws can be bent but the law of reason can have a lethal recourse.

Oh....L.O.'s if you could print this article out in color so people can see these once lovely faces. When you pull someone over for speeding or weaving or something, have them read this article. Let them know that what they are doing is the exact same behavior that ended the lives of five young women. Probably won't help but you'll go to heaven....

Weird quotes from work 7-12-2007

Me: "Circular Reference my arse!"

Co-worker: "......."

Me: "Sorry, I get emotional with Excel"

Time

I added a clock over to your left. Why? Cuz

F.E.A.R. part 2

Yup.... 15 minutes into and I am scared shyt less......I am going to bed. I'll play this during my lunch break tomorrow

F.E.A.R.

Yup...played the first five seconds ofF.E.A.R. and got scared shyt out of my skull. Even got the .22 next to me

The Decline and Fall of Rome

Here is a funny joke that my buddy Steve sent to me today:

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

Why do I tell you this?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

1. Teaching Math In 1950 - A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math In 1960 - A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1970 - A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980 - A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990 - A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers)

6. Teaching Math In 2006 - Un hachero vende una carretada de madera por $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

Truckin'

Well....I took the truck in for service, My Chevy 2007 Colorado ( hope google picks that one up :P ). I think the last time I left you folks on this was the CD player was not working and one of the speakers was blown.

Now it seems that the transmission is having a bit of a fit and keeps reducing power on me. See....about every other time you start the truck the transmission light will come on. About half the time when the light comes on you get a message on the digital display board that the power is reduced. Its a bit of a problem for someone that has to go up hills a lot....which would be me. Its embarrassing to be creeping up a hill at 30 mph while everyone is wizzing past you at 60 mph.

So the truck is in the chop shop and for the time being I am lent a Chevy HHR. It basically looks like half a hearse. It is black and has all the windows in all the rights spots to look like one. I don't know what the body designer was thinking when this was going through approval. Maybe he was getting divorced and felt like a vindictive son of a biscuit.

When you plop your fanny into the drivers seat is when you can really tell what the interior designer was thinking, an obvious and stark departure from our ill fated exterior designer. S/He must have been thinking "Space ships.....we'll do the whole thing like a space ship"!

Mission accomplish buck-o! If you ever hop in a Chevy HHR then you probably feel like me. It was driving a space ship ass backwards. You have this narrow front window with the roof support RIGHT where you don't need them the most. Look out the read view mirror is nauseating. It feels like you are looking down a tunnel! You also have your drivers side blind spot enhanced since the side roof supports are right in the way.

My whining aside...the little thing is a spitfire. I really didn't mean to hit 0-60 at half warp and I am sorry to the truck that I accidentally scared when I came blitzing down the highway and almost dry humped your bumper.

Lets hope the truck is fixed soon. I don't know how much of this low riding space ship I can handle.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

I am going on the offensive! This time I am doing a test before A.D. :)

This is actually pretty accurate

You Are An Ash Tree

You are vivacious and impulsive, which makes you extremely attractive to many. Intelligent and demanding, you don't care much for criticism. You have a ton of ambition and talent, and sometimes money rules your heart. You like to play with fate, and you can be very egotistical and restless. Demanding of attention, you need love and a lot of emotional support.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

Ren and Stimpy

We got to meet some of our neighbors last weekend! Nice pair of fellas! They are just across the street from us.

It is a shame I cannot remember their names. It seems that I was drinking pretty hard during my BBQ event and their names fell victim to yet another drinking and talking accident. Where is M.A.D.D. when you need them.......BAH!

Well, our Ren and Stimpy is reversed in the thinking department. The tall skinny one has years of paint inhalation that keeps a forever challange on his fine reasoning skills. He is a fine person though. Nice as all get out and more than worth talking too....just not firing on all cylinders. So which one is that....Ren or Stimpy? Can I have a ruling on that?

The other is the short chubby one. This guy seems to be fairly intelligent and works for the power company. He is plenty nice and made friends with my mother before we moved out here. He was the fella that apparently disconnected power to my mothers apartment when she made the move out here. Small world huh!

I can't really tell if these guys are buds or if they are a couple. You never know some times but it really doesn't matter much. Just plays a part in birthdays....do you get'em an Xbox game or matching Fondu sets?

The Barn Bandits

We had a helluva first house party at El Braco to Ranch just the other week (The Saturday before the 4th). We had a few of our friends out like Toby & Elvin, Monica, Steve & Celeste, the lady that sold us our house water softener/purifier, Michael Badnarik, and the cops.

First off I must have been BBQ'ing for 6 straight hours! I am still getting my BBQ legs so don't laugh when I tell you that I blackened the brisket. I need an honest to god smoker but things are tight at the moment with the A/C thing. Ah but things are looking up in that department! The mom found a place of employment with some clinic. She will be irradiating babies or something with X-Rays.

Also, I think my poop tank is gettin a might bit full. A few of the guest said they could smell it when they stood next to it. Which I might point out the "stood next to it" part but it might be a good idea since I don't know what the previous owner put into that things.....other than poop I mean.

Besides lost guest tracking over the beautiful part of Texas, murdering brisket, and fine judging the aroma of my pooper tank, we had the cops out. And it was not because we were a drunkin cabal of individualist plotting to start a rebel rousing, and not because we were shooting blank .38 specials, and not because we had a column of smoke reaching out into the sky.....nope. none of that.

We called them....on purpose. I know, I know. Calm down....see here, there was a bit of thieving going about. Next doors to be exact. Seems some teenagers and their questionable parenting units got the funny notion to back an El Camino and trailer on to the lots next to me. Now this lot is vacant of a house but people still own the property and what ever happens to be fixed to it. Well it seems that our crew of petty criminals got the thinking that they could unfix a shed-barn building that is on this piece of property. This barn is about your typical run of the mill 20' x 26' (don't quote me on those measurings) metal barn from Home Depot or Lowes. What is not typical is that it is not theirs and they were there to take it.

It must have been when my buddy Steve come out of the house with phone in hand asking if he should call the cops. Now he asked me as I was giving these folks the evil eye from my palace of BBQing goodness and in a state of drinking that would pick me up a P.I. if I where anywhere other than my property. My response in a misunderstood decibel seemed to carry over to where our bandits were removing some contents from the barn.

"Yeah, go ahead and call the Sheriff. Those folks are not suppose to be there."

I know they don't own the property cause I am talking to the owners to buy that land from them, just an FYI.

Anywho, the bandits take off shortly after I apparently yelled this out and not more than five minutes later a Sheriff's deputy shows up. This fella can't understand why I am dumb founded that he got here so fast but I imagen he most have been patrolling one of the methies out here when he got the call. Well, he got my statement, made a few calls, and promptly arrested the bandits somewhere down the street I assume.

After bail the youngsters are back out on the street in their El Camino. When ever they drive by they give me a one finger salute. It doesn't bother me much...I figure I'll meet them down at the store or something and I'll knock'em around or something. Its basically not high on my list of things to do. I figure a weekend in holding was enough to hold me over on their finger flickin'

How gross am I?

Another test from A.D.'s place.....maybe more than you want to know about me. I think it was shower question that got me *BLUSH*

You Are 40% Gross

You're a tad gross, but generally you're a clean, hygienic person. No one can be perfectly clean all the time, and it's better to be human than a neat freak.

How Gross Are You?