Thursday, August 30, 2007

Oooonce there was this Ooooval

If by any chance you happen to meet me in person and tell me "Its the round rectangle" expect, and I do me in the immediate sense, that I will tilt my head to one side and look at you with wide eyes.

I see dumb people...................everyday.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

the "meh" post



Don't say I never gave you nothin' which I haven't, I just don't want to hear about it.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Teh numbers.... Part Duex and a half and then finished

Thank goodness for Chinese food and a reduced cat population..... the Stats seminar is over! My view on the new version four of the program I spoke of in the last post, wery wiiiice! I can see me going all sorts of Doggie Howzer.....in a non-gay senetorial kind of way. Right, so, um, just call me number cruncher.

Even statisticians have humor...squared

Tam just gave me some good advice (as well as AD) about my site and my site traffic. First, I need more pr0n. That wasn't her advice but everything is better with pr0n. Second, just post something. So here it goes....wish me luck!

There was once a group of Biostatisticians and a group of Epidemiologists riding together on a train to joint meetings. All the Epidemiologists had tickets, but the Biostatisticians only had one ticket between them. Inquisitive by nature, the Epidemiologists asked the Biostatisticians how they were going to get away with such a small sample of tickets when the conductor came through. The Biostatisticians said, "Easy. We have methods for dealing with that." Later, when the conductor came to punch tickets, all the Biostatisticians slipped quietly into the bathroom. When the conductor knocked on the door, the head Biostatistician slipped their one ticket under the door thoroughly fooling the layman conductor. After the joint meetings were over, the Biostatisticians and the Epidemiologists again found themselves on the same train. Always quick to catch on, the Epidemiologists had purchased one ticket between them. The Biostatisticians (always on the cutting edge) had purchased NO tickets for the trip home. Confused, the Epidemiologists asked the Biostatisticians "We understand how your methods worked when you had one ticket, but how can you possibly get away with no tickets?" "Easy," replied the Biostatisticians smugly, "we have different methods for dealing with that situation." Later, when the conductor was in the next car, all the Epidemiologists trotted off to the bathroom with their one ticket and all the Biostatisticians packed into the other bathroom. Shortly, the head Biostatistician crept over to where the Epidemiologists were hiding and knocked authoritatively on the door. As they had been instructed, the Epidemiologists slipped their one ticket under the door. The head Biostatistician took the Epidemiologists' one and only ticket and returned triumphantly to the Biostatistician group. Of course, the Epidemiologists were subsequently discovered and publicly humiliated.
Get it! Oh my god...that one gets me every time!

Teh numbers.... Part Duex

Ok, well the roosters are crowing and eggs are cooking on the skillet. I have another day of SAS Enterprise Guide training. I won't bore you with the details, so in summary it is just a steam lined platform that enables someone like me to take all your data and tell you how your business is doing all in the matter of a couple of hours.....or more.

Its pretty exciting for me but lets face it....its class....about numbers......for eight hours. Not to mention that I am the type that starts day dreaming about fighting ninjas with a plastic fork with the theme music to "Last of the Mohicans" in the first five minutes of class.

AD, thanks for the advice. Two beers, two martini's, and two episodes of Star Trek: Enterprise later I was snoring on my pillow. Just what I need to decompress :)

Monday, August 27, 2007

Teh numbers....

eight hours of premier statistaical software seminars... teh numbers need a source. The source is clean btu even durty can become the clean. We need to source...we must issue statement. Then compute the columns...the columns are good. Eight hours of seminars....eight hours needs a format. I am statisistisitscval and then maritini and beer to decompress the compression rate of the computed columns.

numbers are the spice, the spice ifr the numbers....the spece is life. All hail the dark lord Xananu.

Eight hours tomorrow....tomorrow is dat 250,411 of the time series.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Site Traffic Report

Wow...48 unique hits this week and its not Friday yet! Man.......that is like almost half of one hundred. Half of one hundred people read my blog. Liking my blog is a totally different matter. Still, I am flattered.

So read on my half of one hundred readers! I promise more posts to come!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Ron Paul wins Alabama GOP straw!

OMG! When Ron Paul told us he was running for president I thought it was more of a symbolic thing. I guess he never talks about how much public admiration he has. Maybe that is why he has some much of it?

Anyways, I hear that he has won 4 out of the last 5 GOP straw polls! The conservative base is speaking out! Now maybe the liberal base will to. My god....to finally have a true constitutionalist in high office......I'm....I'm just stunned.

Here are his results! Not only did he win....he slammed dunked it.

Candidate Votes Percentage
Ron Paul 216 81%
Mitt Romney 14 5%
Duncan Hunter 10 4%
Fred Thompson 9 3%
Rudy Giuliani 7 3%
Mike Huckabee 6 2%
Sam Brownback 2 1%
John McCain 2 1%
Tom Tancredo 0 0%

*source: Tuscaloosa News 7/18/2007

For Crystal

This is for you Mrs. Finger Condom

Bryan Presents: Internet Nannies
(Nannies of the internet)
Today we w00t you, Mrs. Internet Nanny of manners.
(Mrs. Show me how to behave)
You've told us the real way to handle ourselves: even though you were never asked
(Way to step up to the plate)
“Your humor is racist and you should remove that post”, “you don’t need to tell your kids that”, and other words of wisdom that only you have and we do not.
(Ooooh Wise sage)
If you have a beef, you'll chip in with your guiding light. If there's a hurt feeling, you'll step in to scream “hey don’t make him feel bad!”. And if there's and injustice to someone that totally is not affected by what someone said, you’re there to defend them without even asking.
(Huh….I’m not even invooooolved)
So whip out the keyboard and start typing your opinions oh wonderful internet nanny. If there is one thing we need more of its your opinions..
(Nannies of the internet)

Life Quiz

Law Dog and A.D. took the test. I think Tam did also....seems that everyone is doing it, which is a perfect reason to jump on the band wagon :D

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:
7.1
Mind:
7.5
Body:
5.7
Spirit:
7.8
Friends/Family:
7.1
Love:
7.3
Finance:
6.3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Report from the fishing this weekend

Well, my son and I headed out around 11am to go fish. Late I know but trying to get out of bed and turn around to get him ready at the butt crack of dawn is too much for me to handle. If you've ever seen me in the morning it ranks right around watching ooze trying to form a replica of Michaelangelo's "David". It ain't happenin'

I managed to herd my son out the door, which is like herding cats. Shoes.... Hat....your fishing pool, no not your bug net your fishing pole.....where's your hat......no your hat!.....this hat, this is a hat you know this.....Why are you not wearing shoes yet......SHOES not your sandals...

After getting my son in the car we headed out to Sandy Creek on Lake Travis. First Sandy Creek park is not a Creek nor is it Sandy. Second the water levels were HIGH from the two month monsoon we had AND the recent tropical depression.....poor depressed tropics. Side note, we also get to have our very own hurricane this week. F you Al Gore!!!!...where is the global warming you promised us! Coolest summer we have on record.

Anywho, water levels were high so that means all the bush life on the shore now makes for obstacles in the water.

ok, back on topic. So we get to the park, pay the eight bucks entry fee, for a state park, that my taxes pay for, to get into a park that I supposedly own via public domain....whatever. Its a small matter and I guess it helps the park people out which I am happy to contribute for that cause.

After parking my son and I wander around a little bit trying to find a good spot. Since the boat dock and its parking lot is underwater we have to park up by the front and then scout around for a good half hour. Finally we come to a small out cropping with plenty of shade.

I show my little five year old how to tie a Trilene knot which pretty much went over his head. Loaded up the stinky catfish bait and we both get to fishing. His first cast went all the way to the shore in front of him.....his second went into the rocks. I topped him by casting my first cast into a submerged tree. My second goes into the submerged bushes...third bushes again....fourth the rocks my son got stuck on.....

My son is very disappointed at this point. He was expecting to catch fish and stuff. Instead we lost four hooks, countless bait, snapped the line four times, and spent about an hour dicking around.

Finally we move spots on a small SOLID ROCK out cropping with NO BUSHES or TREES around. we load up the lines and totally managed to ........ catch nothing....for three hours. Yup, three hours we just sat there and roasted in the sun. It was a beautiful day, the clouds kept the sun from killing us out right, the air was clear and you could see for miles, and the hill country was splendid. Yet we caught nothing except for a healthy sun burn.

My son looked at me and asked if we could go home and get some water. I knew it was about time to leave. Four hours and not a nibble....I know when I am beaten. When we were leaving I found a shot glass right there on the rocks. It was one of those mean bunny cartoons that read "You suck...and that's sad". So at least I have an eight dollar shot glass to account for the whole thing. I also got some pictures of the whole thing. I'll post them here soon

Friday, August 17, 2007

Star Trek: Enterprise

I admit it! I have been watching Star Trek since the 80's. Come on, let's get this out of the way.... Trekkie, Nerd, Geek, Loser, Klingon arse ..........heh, that last one was a little uncalled for!

Well....so anyways. I have been recording Star Trek: Enterprise on DVR. I also watched the first season on Fox or whatever station was carrying it. It was a frustrating program to try and watch. They kept changing the showing times and ran the series out of order sometimes. Anywho, like typical fashion the show was canceled and I think we only get four seasons of this Star Trek. A Black mark on the Star Trek name and maybe the death nail to the whole business. In terms of new expansions.

The point is Star Trek: Enterprise. Its a show I do enjoy...mostly for the hot Vulcan babe and the ships communication office, Hoshie(sp?). Oh I do enjoy the plot and how the continuity behind the show is smack out of a Joss Whedon's "FireFly" (another show Fox managed to kill....bastards!). Some things I don't enjoy are the VEEEEERRY cheesy references to future Star Trek factiods, tidbits, and politics. I could understand a quick comment like "Man, we really need a directive or something. Not" We, going bodly where no man has gone before, need a prime directive, so we may continue or mission, to trek among the stars" with full on theme music that would but the Bolivarian National orchestra to shame.

And some of the personal traits of the crew. I get it, Commander Tucker likes Catfish! Every episode doesn't need to contain a reference to his mothers fried catfish.

And, for craps sake, could we please get more eye candy of the hot Vulcan babe? Why the hell would you cover her head to toe? She's hot for god's sake.....and this is space. Cause....somehow it being space means less clothes for some reason?

I think I lost that point right there.

I'm out *click*

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Its legal to murder now

Mary Winkler killed her husband, She admits it and there is plenty of proof that she did it. So why is it legal? Cause she stayed in a relationship with her husband who was abusive to her. Instead of breaking it off and getting a divorce, you know the legal and approved way of ending a marriage, she popped him in the back with a shotgun.

Its totally legal now. You can kill anyone because the jury in that court has determined that murder, you know, killing someone, is totally legit if you don't want to file for divorce or just flat out leave.

Way to go America!

Court humor

Steve sent this to my wife, who sent it to me. It's from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Its a done deal!

Today marks the day that I signed over the title over to the new owner of my former 2003 Silver Ford Focus ZX5!

I have this hate to sell it but love to sell it attitude about it. I wasn't ever excited about having it but the car does have a lot of memories. Countless trips to the local disc golf courses...heh yeah my friends alway knew if I was playing. You would see the silver beetle, as Matt calls it, out in the parking lot.

I remember the trips with my friends to various places. And then the British couple that came with me for a day. I also remember to trip out to Burnet or where ever it was for the Willie Nelson concert.

And the X rated memories. :)

I...well, we bought the car (my ex-wife) back in 2003. It was right after my beloved Nissan 240SX super zippy car chunked on the transmission and left me stranded at the local Thai restaurant. Man I loved that car.......... really loved that car.


.....oh right! The Ford. We bought the car in 2003 on of all days, Sept. 11th! Yeah, I bought an American car on September 11th! neat huh.

We got a nice deal since the sales man was my then brother-in-law. I got what is called the "A" plan. We got 3% interest rate and a hefty discount. The odd thing about it is that my ex picked the car out for me and then "let" me be the one to drive it. *sigh* oh well...that is how I became the owner and driver of the Silver Beetle. Now I hope you folks understand that I DID NOT pick out that car. Which also sheds some light on why I got divorced also. I know, you folks have been aching to know for such a long time.

Well anyways...I've had that car through some of the most interesting periods of my life. Divorce, Dating, Concerts, Stuff, Marriage, more kids, moving countless times, etc etc.... after a while the car becomes a part of the story. Part of your life I guess.

So when I moved out the country I figured that it was about time to get rid of my beloved Ford and get a truck. And plus the car was getting old plus Ford had some known issues on my model. The breaks always sound like they are down to the numbs even if they aren't. And God forbid you ask Ford to fix it.... oh! and the wheel noise when you drive it. Sounds like your wheel is going to fall off. Other than that the car is perfectly fine and several years old. So I decided it was time to sell it!

Up it went on Craig's list and four days later a nice lady was giving me several thousand dollars during my lunch break. The title just came in today and I signed it over to Mrs. Nice Lady. Now my car will be used to transport a soon to be 19 year old college student daughter and all 900 of her friends to various events. Hopefully for another healthy set of years of enjoyment and happy memories

Down at the watering hole

Well, yesterday marked a milestone for my son and I. We went to the sports store and picked us up some fishing pole, his being a batman version. Also got some bobbers and weights. When I figure out which part of the lake we are going to I can get the hooks (depending on what kind of fish are there).

I look forward to fishing with him. I know it is one of the few things my dad and I did together that we both enjoyed. I hope my son and I have a little more in common. Regardless, he is totally excited to head out to the lake. EVERYDAY is asks if we are going to go fishing after work. He totally missed the "this weekend" part.

But yep...I am looking forward to catching dinner, teaching him to gut the fish, and then cook it on the grill.

Old Yeller'

*Sniff* Well it had to happen....

My friend for five years is gone. It happened suddenly, I guess as it usually does. Its hard to write about it now.

We had been through so much together! My friend was with me during my divorce, the hard times after, dating and then meeting my wife, marriage, kids, new home, everything! When I couldn't connect with the outside my friend was there to get me going.

We would go to Barnes and Nobles together just to hang out. When I was going through college, my friend would be there to help me. My friend even took over protecting me from predators. I'll really miss my friend....

My company retired my laptop and is assigning me a new laptop but it won't be the same..

Lappy, you will be missed

Assigned 2002 ~ Died 2007

Emma Watson


I don't see it.......but then again it may be the same crowd of pedophiles that chased Ashley and Skeletor Oslen until they turned 18?

Meh, maybe when she develops some more she'll really blossom. Here's hoping she doesn't go ape shyt nuts like B.S. or Lindsey

Edit: Ok, she is a little cute. A little....

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Slowing down on the blog posts

I'm sure you have noticed that my blog posts have been a little less frequent. It basically comes down to work.

Not house work, political work, parent work, or the such. It comes down to work work, the kind that you clock in from 7am to 10pm and have ulcers later. When I am done I'll try and catch up!

Monday, August 6, 2007

Damn spider monkey!

Well....from time to time I get migraines. Its a no-fun event that usually has me in bed in deep hallucination's or at the porcelain throne in deep worship. Its hard to descrip what a migraine feels like but try to Imagen what a red hot spear shoved into your eye socket would feel like....oh and its being twisted into your eye socket. Take that pain and increase it about 5 times.... I think that comes pretty close. Yeah.....I dare any would-be-torture to try to win me over. I doubt that they can come close......WHICH IS TOTALLY A JOKE N.S.A.. Not really serious about that!

The point is that I had a migraine last night. I apparently woke my wife up in my fevered screams in agony. She said that I kept yelling about finding my way out of the forest to get the spider monkey from chewing my head. And apparently I was hitting my head in an attempt to kill this spider monkey.

The part I remember was sitting up at the edge of my bed drinking water. My wife tells me that it took four super strength headache pills and an hour for me to realize where I was.

Weird thing is, is that I don't ever get headaches. Ever! I get migraines. So when I start to feel a little pain upstairs it should be a warning to take action. I neglected to do that in a vain attempt to fall sleep before it started to hurt. See that is what we call abortive action, which is to basically fall asleep before a migraine can start. Thus, aborting the pain all together.

In my case I apparently didn't fall asleep in time as I remember being in pain before I lost cognitive awareness and was hoping to fall asleep. Instead I was attacked by a bastard spider monkey!

100th post

Dang it! 100th post was about B.S......oh well. That's what I get for talking about her.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Crazy as crazy is...

Wow, I make a post about B.S. and K-Fed going to battle over custody of the poor chidlren from their marriage. Not more than a week goes by and now B.S. is in the news again!

This time she made a little mistake that can turn into a huge....HUGE problem for her. For me its good cheap entertainment.



I can't say I ever liked B.S. because she reminded me of a direct report of mine from over a decade ago. I had strong feelings of dislike for this direct report of mine. She was lazy, whiny, pompous ass, who tried to con her way out of things. She just happened to look like B.S. So its nothing that B.S. did before. Its just disinterest through association.

Yeah, so anywho. B.S.'s life was uneventful and boring.... then she started going around and kissing other girls. Peaks my interest a little



Then she gets married and then unmarried all during a potty break, so I missed it all. And it wasn't until K-Fed started boinking her that she just went ape sh*t.


Dropping babies, having more babies, Drugs, Boozes, umbrellas, smashing cars, using her children as dash board bling, getting in rehab, out of rehab, into rehab again, showing her coochie, and now.....intent to assassinate someone. That someone happened to be taking pictures of her when she was leaving her hotel. She got mad, like usual, and said something to the effect of "I'll kill you....I'll hire someone to kill you". Um......g*d d@mn B.S.!








"..I'm going to eat your liver.."