Got my yellow belt! Part Two

So the actual test....

It was on a Saturday....bright and early on a Saturday. But my test didn't start then....no sir. My test actually started a week before. See I started my testing by eating lots of leafy green vegetables, mainly spinach. I had to get my fiber up so I could absorb water better.

Now if you ask anyone I am pretty dedicated to staying well hydrated. I drink about a gallon of water a day. And for a 3 1/3 hour belt test....staying hydrated is key!

So I started my belt test on Saturday with what most people in Krav Maga call "the workshop". Its basically your normally Saturday class but the instructor is deliberately, more so than normal, trying wear you out. After a grueling hour of kicking as hard as you can, punching as hard a you can, kneeing as hard as you can, running as hard as you can, jump as high as you can you actually start the test....two and a half hours to go!

You practice all of your Level One Krav Maga moves in every scenario. In the bathroom, in the toliet stall, in the hall way, in an open space, in a parking lot, between cars in a parking lot, getting throw against a hot metal wall, out in an uneven field, out in the drainage ditch right by the high way, out in a gravel parking lot, etc etc.

You basically spend the next hour and half doing every move from the most likely spots that you'll get attacked. Which are Bar restroom, in the Bar, in the bar parking lot.

You send the last hour or phase...however you look at it repeating all the moves again. This is after you have been brought to the brink of exhaustion in the first hour and after demonstrating all the moves in multiple environments for the second hour. Now you spend the last hour after you are totally spent trying as hard as you can to show that you can still do the techniques perfectly.

Once that is over you finish your testing with the "cherry on top". The instructor lines up all the students in two parallel columns. One student stands in front of everyone else. The instructor engages in a choke of his or her choice against this one student. The student then has to break the choke while returning simultaneously with an attack. Then run down the columns, aka the gauntlet, whilst the other students, using body pads, try and prevent the students progress. After breaking out of the gauntlet you fall to the floor and the instructor top mounts the student. The student then has to break the attack and flip the instructor off and over and come up attacking. Rinse and repeat with the next student until everyone has gone.

I did pass.....at no point did I think I did poorly. I know I busted my ass for 3 1/2 hours and did everything perfectly. And as the title gives it away I was awarded my yellow belt in Krav Maga. As for the rest of my weekend. I spent it severely dehydrated trying as best as I could to rehydrate.

Here's farting at you kid

A West Virginia man has been charged with battery to a police officer. "Officer" T.E. Parsons is accusing Jose Cruz of battery for…….get this……farting on him! Yeah, no sh!t! Farting in him!

Apparently our flatulent fellow faces felony fines for farting farcically forthwith fanning foul fumes forward. Our Officer in this story, T.E. Parsons, is now laying assault charges on the farting felon.

If farting on someone is enough to get assault charges laid on them then I am in dead doo doo. I think there is a class action law suit forming against me here at the office. Not to mention my wife….who in this criteria is assaulted nightly…….

LINK: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26877682/

*MSNBC.com as of 9/25/2008

Neo-cons EVERYWHERE

My brother recently called.

Initially I am excited but our conversations soon turn towards politics. Its really a love hate thing with me and politics right now. I stepped out of the political spot light for a much needed break. I guess I was never much suited to wield the powers of control.

Oh, right! So we start talking about politics. Now my brother is a die hard Republican and....well I have principles. No, I am not a Democrat. So when you start mixing principles with Republican/Democrat agendas you tend to get one hell of a $h*t storm. Oil and water those two.......oh get it! Oil! HA! I wasn't even trying on that one.

Anywho, so we go down our normal discussion on how the Republicans are worse than the Democrats. Democrats lie, cheat, steal, are openly socialist and all that crap BUT at least they tell you to your face. Republicans lie, cheat, steal, are closet socialist. You don't find out about it until one of them is snorting coke off some interns cock.

My brother and I are in a political dog fight that would put Manfred von Richthofen to shame. And, as usual, I lay out example by example how the GOP is about preserving the "business" and not the Republican principles established long ago. *COUGH* Small decentralized government, excise only tax, no meddling in affairs of other nations, free trade

Usually my brother tires of the philosophical ass whooping and switches to baseball discussion or suddenly has to go and put the kids to bed (at 3pm in the afternoon?). This time however he said to take it to the blog. Intriguing! Can I accept this pseudo-challenge to express my logic backed views with full references on a publicly viewable online log of written thoughts?

By golly I think I can take a crack at this!