Posts
Well this sucks! I have two computers at work that I use at the same time. So I have double mouse hands! Here is a chain mail I got:
Hello dear friends,
We just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year:
Thanks to you, we no longer open any public bathroom door without using a paper
towel.
We can't sit down on any hotel bedspread because we can only imagine what may have happened
on it since it was washed.
We have trouble shaking hands with anyone who has been driving because
the number one pastime while driving alone is picking your nose.
(Cell
phone usage may have taken over the #1 spot.)
Eating
a Little Debbie causes us a guilt trip because we can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats we have consumed over the years.
We can't touch any woman's purse for fear she once placed it on the floor of a
public bathroom. Yuck!
We send special thanks to whoever sent us the one about poop in
the glue
on envelopes. Now we must use a wet sponge with every
envelope that
needs sealing.
Also
for the same
reason, now we must scrub the top of each can before we open it.
We sent all our savings to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who
is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th
time.
And now we're penniless, but that'll change once we receive
the $15,000
that Bill Gates, Microsoft and AOL are sending us
for participating in their special e-mail program.
We no longer worry
about our souls because we have 363,214 angels looking out for us, and St.
Theresa's novena has granted our every wish.
We no longer eat at KFC because all their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
We no longer use cancer-causing deodorant, even though we both smell like water buffaloes
on a hot day.
Thanks
to you, we have learned that our prayers only get answered if we
forward an
email to seven of our friends and make a wish within
five minutes.
Because
of your concern, we can no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet
stains.
We can never buy gasoline unless someone is along to watch the
car so
a serial killer can't crawl in the back seat when we are pumping
the gas.
We can't drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper because the people who make
these products
are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on
their cans.
We don't use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
cancer.
And
thanks for letting us know we can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore
because it will blow up in our face and disfigure us for
life.
We no longer check the coin returns on pay phones because we could be
pricked with
a needle infected with AIDS.
We never go to shopping malls any more, because someone could drug us with a
perfume sample
and rob us.
We refuse all packages from UPS and FedEx
since they are actually Al Qaeda
in disguise.
We no longer shop at Target because they are French
and don't support our American
troops or the Salvation Army.
We're afraid to answer the phone because someone could ask us to dial a
number for
which we will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore and Uzbekistan.
We won't buy expensive Neiman
Marcus cookies now because we have their recipe.
Thanks
to you, we'll never again use any toilet but our own because big
brown African
spiders lurk under the seats to bite our butts and cause instant death.
And
thanks to your great advice, we can't ever pick up a $5 bill lying in
the parking
lot because some
sex pervert probably put it there and is underneath our car waiting to grab our legs.
We can no longer
drive our cars because we can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
Now! If you don't send
this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with
diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon, and the fleas from 12
camels will infest your armpits and cause you to grow a hairy lump. I know this is true because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician...
Have a wonderful
day!
Oh, by the
way.....
A German scientist
from Argentina has
discovered after a lengthy study that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail
with their hand on the mouse.
Don't
bother taking it off now,
it's too late!
