Happy day!

Alight, so here is my jew(ish) leaning rule about Christmas. I only buy present for the kids.

Long ago I realized that people are spending themselves daffy during this season. They blow all their money, spend all their credit, invest an entire month of mall fights and parking lot drag racing...all for what? So you can show your love for your family? The same family you probably haven't seen since last Christmas? Lets call a spade a spade here folks!

Anywho, my rule is just for the kids. The adults can cook a good meal for each other and sit back with some wine and enjoy the pandemonium that is occurring in the living room whilst the little folk whip themselves into a frenzy.

Now the caveat to this rule is that I do buy gifts for my nuclear family, aka everyone that lives in my house. My mother, Wife, and the kids.....and myself but don' tell my wife that. This rule is also reciprocated with the other grownup folk. What I am leading up to and really need an excuse to get to the damn point is about what I got for the pagan winter solstice celebration!

The wife got me a nice bottle of Bushmills single malt Irish Whiskey aged 10 years!

And the fun is not over yet.

My uncle, breaking the rule (bless him), got me a bottle of 12 year old MacCallan "Highland" Single Malt Scotch, aka Scotchish Whiskey

Happy day indeed!

Merry Christmas

Outside the grass is covered in its icy dew
as the mountain lion watches what I do

I lift the kids from their car seats to
warm blankets and bed time sheets

The Rastafarians next door are snuggled warming together
in their hookah room jamming to a Bob Marley CD

The Pagan tree in the living room is colored smartly with anti-semitic glee
and the presents in daddy's closet are wondering "Where will he put me?"

"How will Santa get in" my son soon asks,
"Carefully and quietly" I respond with Smith and Wesson in hand

"Good night son, I love you" I say when I walk across the floor
"Please don't kill Santa" I hear as I close the door.

Out come the gold and silver wrapped presents, the red and green colored bags, on come the stripped and circle wrapping paper all in the Christmas tree presence

Its then I see the note to Santa pleading that my son is not a meany
And proof is this gift of a Christmas Martini (With cheese and crackers)

Up comes the guitar and microphone made for a youngster
put there by Mr. and Mrs. Claus. straight from the wal-Mart trash dumpster

So begins the improvised Karaoke
and stifled giggles as Mr. Claus tried to rhyme a word like artichokie

Merry Christmas and to all a good night

Interesting discussion

Had a bit of an interesting back and forth with the wife. It started as such:

HCB: I think I am going to have a bit of Tanqueray. Been a while since I've had some and I want to get a taste.

Wife: Its not even noon

HCB: k?

Wife: Starting Martini hour a little early these days

HCB: What are you talking about...on average this is late for me

Wife: ......

HCB: .......

Wife: ......

HCB: ..... shit

New work bench

So you may have heard somewhere that I got a new miter saw. A 12" Compound miter saw from Sears but who's cutting hairs (I can if you want!). This thing is a beast of a machine and looks gorgeous. I am totally in love with it but one thing about it is that it is to big for my work bench.

When we first moved to the house I bought a 10" circular saw (for the dryer project) and got the bright idea to make a work bench in my tool shed. Besides the misaligned sideboards and off level legs, thanks to not having my cuts straight, it was a pretty nice looking work bench. But now I have a big arse'ed miter saw that is to big for the work bench. Indeed....I feel the need to start my man mode to "fix it".

The solution? By a bunch of wood and make another work bench! Yee-haw!

I'll let the men out there take a second of silence for your moment of man zen

.
.
.
.
I headed off to Lowes to get about (14) 2x4 and one big arse sheet of cross section ply wood. I forgots me dimension for it but it was about the size of your typical wall sheath. I looked like a total goof ass hauling it in my truck and one of these days I am going to get a flat bed trailer. But bugger that! We are manning up for this work bench project!

I did it the Norm (New Yankee Workshop) way. I made a complete dimensional drawing, or Draw-wing for you Yanks. Marked my cuts and miter cuts, measured my top panel, shelves, teh whole nine years. I will admit thought that I forgot to measure my shop floor.

A quick note about my shed, aka the shop, aka the meth lab, aka my man hut, is built on a pillar foundation. It was never meant to be a shop. And I'll note that I did not build it. If I did, and one day I will, it would have been a perfectly floated and zero angle concrete shop floor. And my point is.....ok yes! My point is that the floor is uneven which caused some spacing issues with my table level. A few shims made from the bones of a hundred Chinese children and we are go to go.....Wa-What! I got them at Wal-Mart! Get off my ass about it.

Regardless, it is an "L" shaped bench which houses my miter saw on one side and my work area (to the right) on the other. I also built a handy shelf above for some extra storage. I can tell things are really coming along with this workshop of mine. Maybe one day I'll have that dream shop I have been always wanting

Miter saw

I got a miter saw!

Yup....all those weeks of waiting! Wifey and I finally saved up enough cash to get one and I wub it sooooo much!

It is a Sears brand 12" Compund miter saw (sorry, no slide).

It was a nice deal because the Saw is $300 but Sears was having an on-line sale that knocked off $80. Plus I live pretty close to the local Sears store so it got it within an hour of paying for it.

I have already mass produced new window screens, you have to cut the metal frame to exact measurements.

And I built a new work bench (another post coming soon) which you see in the picture. Wifey has plans for a house and a new deck on the property and I am sure this little puppy is going to be doing the lions share of the work. :)

I hug it every day

On vacation

So I accidently woke up this morning......

nnuuuuggh.....So I am on vacation until next year! Yup! you heard me right. I spent all year working my tail off so I am taking the 14th till the1st of next year OFF!

Farking cool!

TOKYO - A new battery that can be recharged to 90 percent capacity in under five
minutes and lasts 10 years will start shipping in March, Toshiba Corp. announced
this week, hailing it as "a new energy solution" for cleaner transportation.

I really like the idea of free market innovation! Something like battery or hydrogen powered cars really get my mind business movin'. I would jump at the chance to buy a $500 battery that powers my truck for 10 years. Think about it, I pay $50 every six days on gas.

365 / 6 = 61 (rounding up) of $50 payments = $3,050 x 10 years = $30,500. YUP! Totally worth it if it is totally driven on battery.

I still need torque and I still need acceleration. Two things that the first line of Hybrids did not have and I have yet to see (I admit I have not looked) at the numbers for alternate fueled cars.

So to all the automobile researchers, I will buy your hippie car if you:

1. Keep the hauling power at or close to what my truck has now
2. Keep the acceleration at or close to what my truck has now
3. Keep the car/truck in the $15k/$19k average mark (respectively)
4. Keep the battery under what I would pay for gas during the life of the battery. And the cheaper you make the battery the better!

That'll be all, you're dismissed

Happy Repeal Day

Remember, Remember the Fifth of December!

Three scores and fourteen years ago our fathers brought forth on these States United a renewed light, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the position that all men are carry rights not given to them but born from.

Engaged of thirteen years prior, in activities cast with a bastards tone, these States United conceived atrocities against free men in a freed nation in favor of morals not uncommon to the tyrant. Evoking plighted righteousness and distain for enlightenment, men that called themselves great and pious stood before the great halls across this nation and proclaimed their morals the virtuous standard.

Engaged in a great war, not of nations, but of ideas, spread to test this great nation. Not only our nation but every nation for all time. Setting the place in history where tyrants mandate their morals and not the rights of mankind. That all men should follow blindly the precept that governments are moral. And that free choice comes only second to those edicts stamp forth from the great halls of this nation.

Of this land, Man and woman, child and elder stood against this evil for reasons of profit, of ideas, of freedom, or to be opposite of the law. The reasons stand for themselves of judgment for proper and fitness. These men, these woman, these children and elders alike stood fast and hard against the faceless tyrants. They stood against the good men tricked into service with corrupt propaganda, stood against wicked men with respected authority, and stood against hallowed buildings holding men of abandoned faith. These patriots stood tall and found others with them and in greater number then thought. All of these patriots stood forth to protect this nation from its own elected plight....they forth stood and won!

Mark this day, the Day of December Fifth, as a fight unfinished but perpetually continued. All mankind will carry freedom through the cold annuals of history. Forgotten faces in time but struggles long remembered and lived with every breath of life. Remember this day for the life of the Republic, may it be long lived and forever loved.

Happy Repeal Day

Christian Lights

I did it! I decorated my first house with Christian lights! I normally don't get into the Winter Equinox but I figure why be a scrooge and its not like I am doing anything pagan by hanging up lights! Its not like they put candles around their hut roof! So I figure that this is pretty Kosher.

Still not doing a Christmas tree but the wife and grandma are handling that so *I* am not doing it. I made my opinions known about it and they are opting to follow their own faith.

Anywho, I put up the lights! Yay me!

I also discovered that I have an even better view of the Hill Country than I first thought. When I was up on the roof I got a breath stealing view of the beautiful glory of god's land, Texas. I am even more motivated now to get the house built (going to be a separate post).

And...I only electrocuted myself only once! Thank you very much!

Tin Man

I spent the last few days trying to write up my opinions on current events that I thought had some moral taint to them. Every time I sat down at the keyboard I would engage in a flurry of typing and deep thought. About seven seconds into each post I would stop.....and load up my demo of Call Of Duty 4 and waste some boogie men. So who is actually winning now? Sitting here blowing them away in a video game or the fact that I actually think about them and know more about them then I did before 9/11? Boogie men don't win by might but on ideas, ask any Tyrant.

So back to the point of this post, Tin Man. For those of you that have cable or dish TV you would find it on the SciFi channel. It is basically a contemporary version of the Wizard of Oz.

It starts with a premise that there are two main dimensions, The other side (our side) and the Outer zone. The Outer Zone, or O.Z. (See how they did that.....brilliant I tell you!), is where all the gum drop kids and fairies lived before they got voted to congress.

The protagonist is D.G. ......yeah...come on. Which stands for ______? Come on you should be able to guess this! Go google the first Oz movie if you can't figure it out.

The antagonist is an evil witch, WOW plot buster there! And Oz is in peril of this wicked witch.

D.G. Has to ..... follow the old road to go see the Wizard for answers. She is joined by Glitch ( a dude with half a brain), RAW ( a Half man-lion), and Cain, aka Tin Man, that has a bitter heart after his lost his family to the wicked witches Hench men.

This is totally new material right here! To hell with those writers on strike! There is new talent that is waiting to be discovered! Why just take a stroll down to the mail room and I bet you'll find a budding writer. Go get'em kid!

Well you can figure out the movie plays out mostly. But all sarcasm aside I did enjoy the movie a lot. They did do a good job with the content of the show and only a few bits of references did get cheesy but on the whole it was fun.

And being a guy, my favorite part was the wicked witch. Cause she is all evil and all its hard to like her but holy flipping Keebler elves is she hot.

In the show she has this ability to release her flying monkeys from tattoos on her chest. Which happens frequently!

The gratuities shots of her chest make up for all the cheesy crap in the movie. ALL OF THE CHEESY CRAP.... yeah I am a sucker for the ladies. Its my curse.....DAMN THE FLYING MONKEYS! DAMN THEM TO HELL!

It is a three part series on the aforementioned SciFi channel. Check your local listings and keep an eye out for those flying monkeys.

The poop tank

The septic fella showed up early one day (last month) to pump my poop tank. I was a little concerned about my septic tank since I had not had it pumped since I bought the house. Problems can start if you get solid waste sucked into your drainage lines. It can damage your leech field (the area of soil where the effluent, aka poop water, drains through the dirt) which can cause backups and overflow your toilet.

When you buy a house and have a septic you just can't know what you have in your tank. You can't check it like you do with your engine oil. Well, I mean you can if you hate yourself and absolutely don't want anyone to approach you for several days. If you're like me you have some poor soul that enjoys the finer things in poop to come out and pump your septic tank.

I guess the reason why I am blogging about this is that I found the major source of mosquitoes! My pooper man lifted the well caps to my septic system (its partially above ground) and, I joke not here, a thick cloud of mosquitoes "smoked columned" out of the septic system.

Now that last statement can give you an idea about the problem I have been having with the skeeters. If that didn't then let me give you and idea. One day I was cleaning the truck out. I happened to look down at my arm and, no joke, I had at least six skeeters on my arm and another nine or ten on my legs. To tell you that I had a skeeter problem is to devalue the magnitude of the problem. I can't tell you how many days during the summer I have spent spraying skeeter repellent and spreading cedarcide (organic mosquito repellent) only to have a few hours of not getting bitten.

So now that I know the source of my problem I can attack! I took some screen material (for screen windows) and covered my septic wells. I then wrapped bungee cords around the base of the well so that it holds the screen in place and tight against the brick (Yes, I have brick wells). For a final line of defense I took strip insulation and put it on the under side of my concrete well caps. I did this so it makes a seal around the well to hold the screen down flush with the brick caps.

To give you a sense of how well this worked, my son and I spent and hour squishing skeeters that got trapped in the screen. Well over a thousand blood suckers died......Skeeters, not the IRS. Its now a month or two later and I have seen TWO mosquitoes during that time. In fact the other night I was changing my truck tire. It took about three hours (another story for a later post) and not a single bite!

Holy snapping sheep sh*t

Are you kidding me? Wow...........I am honored! Truly!

*Speechless*

EDIT: ok yes.....I am easily amused and take praise very well....to well. YES! I am an attention whore. Now give me my trophy and cookie and lets be off

The saga of B.S.

Why is Brittney Spears so much fun for me to blog about? Well put it this way; Some people lead by example and some people ARE the example....I'm doing this for the children

B.S. is now a confirmed drug addict

B.S. has mounds of public articles following her moon bat crazy behavior

B.S. managed to flash the world her naughty parts (and largly grossed everyone out, talk about a let down).

B.S. has destroyed he career....pretty much

Now in her on-going saga of her children.....well what can you say? Its like voting Republican or Democrat

One side you have a drunk, drugged up, free for all loser







- OR -

You have a spoiled, whinning, self-absorbed, self-rightious, no talent ass clown prick

Hey, don't ask me to try and figure this out. I am just here to watch the show and maybe get a bucket of pop-corn.

MSNBC Political Matrix

So this is kind of neat...

You go through this question tree on each candidate and based on your answers to four of MSNBS's selected issues you can see which candidate best represents you. Now I wish they had not revealed the candidates as you took the quiz but that's the news media. Bias as all get out and crooked as a evangelist priest.

Here is my selection:

Figures that Ron Paul matches me political views. Constitution restricted government, full range of civil liberties, less government, remove government from monitary management and remove the state-corporate entity from the market, OH! and he wants to end the occupation of Iraq.

Satan's baby

Ok, this is throwing my B.S alarm into the red zone. Find me one baby that smiles when having their brain fluid sucked out from behind their eye socket and I'll show you the next anti-Christ.


By the way, the picture comes from The Baby Catalogue

Back

Wow.....one month! I have not posted in over a month! Can you freaking believe that?!

I basically got busy as all get out. I have taken on a ton of new work and it has me working from 7am to 10 pm-ish most nights. Plus wifey found a gig with some content review company that lets her stay at home with the kids. Its rough right now cause she is closing out her contract with the clinic she works at. So two jobs leaves her with a tight schedule and I try to pitch in here and there.

Anywho...I have a ton to write about so stay posted or better yet sign up for the newsletter on the left. :)

Things not thought about in company gym

1. Changing in the locker room
2. of said locker room, seeing my co-workers get undressed
3. of said co-workers, a disturbing poportion of them have no issue with streaking across the locker room
4. of said streakers, some do not streak and instead that a leisurely stroll
5. of said strollers, one is a total muscle freak
6. of said freak, he smiled at me when I was getting dressed

Creep factor is past the red, broke the glass, and is making 360 degree loops around the gauge. I'm taking a F'ing cattle prod in next time. I'm going to get all University police on him and Don't taze me bro! if he so much as leaves my center vision.

You may call my Andy and this is Shawshank.

Working out

Here at, "Work-you-to-death" incorporated, HQ we have a gym. Its a nice gym and I think it had something to do with all the employees getting fat and dying that prompt the company to open it. They always deny that and claim it is cause they care.

ok, stop laughing now.

Last week I signed my fat arse up to the gym! And what started the big ole' ball of misery was the nice 196 lb. reading I got from the scale. Keep in mind that my body type, the Bruce Lee type, sits at 140 lb. (I think) average weight. I know you Andre the Giant type would love to weigh in at 196 again. But this isn't about you.....its about me. Focus!

So I have certified dun-lap when I wear a certain pair of jeans...so it was that and the scale thing that started all of this.

The good news that either my muscles are very happy that this is going on - or - I just never noticed this but my arm muscle definition is almost totally back. To my 2 years ago look...not my Bruce Lee look of the High School years. I noticed one of the Gym staff looking but I don't think it was out of oogling. It was more of a "Big ol' tummy and arms like that.....how does that work?" look. Answer: Masturbation, pure and simple! Tons of it....and I am going blind at the same time.

So there kids! Don't listen to your parents or your friends. Spanking your monkey at least three times a day is a sure fire way of getting looked at by the hot gym staff....just make sure you are not in the gym while you are spanking away.....the looks are totally different at that point.

Link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21367579/

SAN FRANCISCO - City health officials took steps Thursday toward opening the
nation’s first legal safe-injection room, where addicts could shoot up heroin,
cocaine and other drugs under the supervision of nurses.

So my stance on drug use is this: Its my body, keep your damn laws off of it!

The worst drug I use is coffee and then hard liquer. Still its the principle of the issue that is the reason why I am so vocal about it. Where on Earth did we get the opinion that drugs are so bad that "we" will not let you decide if you can use it or not.

Honestly folks, this is America. Our State and Federal law should only extend to the point of enforcement of Civil rights not preservation of someones sense of morals.

So I see a city in California, of all places to protect a right (weird huh), that is opening a clinic for "hard" drug users. I call hard drugs stuff like Heroin, Meth, etc. Basically the stuff that has to be cooked up in a lab. Coke, Acid, Mushrooms, Pot doesn't fit into my category of "hard drug".

I think this is pretty cool. I mean those nutty Euro's found a good starter place with the balance of Civil Rights vs. Social Acceptance. Its a start but look at how they do it. You pretty much can do any "soft drug" you want as long as you stay off the streets. The "Hard" drugs you have to go to a clinic to buy and use. I think they make you stay during your buzz also, not totally sure on that.

Anywho, I find this to be a much better policy on drugs than are current WAR ON DRUGS. I mean freaking hell....why do we have to tote either the Republicrat or Demolican party line. Why can't Americans have their absolute liberties back? Piss on the War on Drugs and pass the peace pipe....

Weird quotes from work 10-16-2007

Co-worker: "The people at site x are not showing up in the system. The site is not going to open"

HCB: "Open! How can they open! They all turned into ZOMBIES and are randomly attacking people. How can you talk about opening at a time like this?!?! Save yourselves!"

Co-worker: ".................................................................................."

Co-worker 2: Here's two bucks......go get yourself a coffee.

HCB: *Skipped down the hall to go get some coffee*

The new roommate

It must have been just before the butt crack of dawn when I was stepping out of my room as I was buttoning my dress shirt. It was Thursday and my mind was already on todays agenda. Meetings, meetings, meetings, and maybe some more meetings.

My daughter, wife, and mother were in the living room getting my daughter dressed and playing around a little. I don't know what promted me to look at the ceiling...my Jedi senses jsut told me to look. And there.....on the ceiling.....was this little fella

That's a big fuzzy and hug able tarantula! These little critters are great! They eat the little things I don't want in the house. And from time to time the decide to break the perimeter and run an incursion into the house. Tis' fine with me.

My fear of tarantulas is right on the same level as turning the light switch off right after I have stepped out of the shower. Caution serves the best purpose. Plus I want them having little tarantula orgies on my property. Its the pest control I am shooting for here.

In the end I got this little fell in my sons bug catcher net and catapulted him over the front porch. His landing, for all you PETA folks, was a nice dew covered grass patch. I apologize to all the PETV (People for the Ethical Treatment of Vegetation) that I attacked the grass with the spider.

The Brisket

Here is a pic of the smoke ring on the Brisket

BBQ from last weekend

Well we had a few of you loyal reader out last weekend for the very disappointing OU vs UT game. I really cant' say much about it other than we played like a bunch of scared little kids. Maybe I just expect the Horns to be that bad arse team of yesteryear. Stripping the ball, interceptions, forcing fumbles, etc. We were just a fierce team...not to be F'ed around with. Now.. its is like a nursery school for Colt.

MOOOOVING on! I went shopping with the dynamic duo of Toby and Elvin the day before the game. Besides the typical flurry of gay suggestions that I switch team from Toby (in your dreams bud.....which you can just NOT tell me about) we managed to stock up on all the necessary fixins for a proper BBQ.

The next day I was up a 4am to worship the BBQ gods. Starting with a nice fire of coals and moving on to a mix of Hickory and Mesquite. It was round 5:30 am or so when the sun started to peak around the hill and the rosters start to crow. I tell you...it was a piece of heaven right there.

*The gold colored thing you see there is the "foil hat" I put on the Brisket. After a couple of hours of smoking fat side down you want to flip it and put a hat on it.*

During the smoking I put on some Brisket (which I spent all week eating), Ribs (on the left), and beer can chicken. First off let me tell you that this was some of the best damn Brisket I have ever had. I know I didn't "nail it" like some of these professional BBQ cooks. Buy hey, when you got a fresh brisket sizzling right of the grill and the juice just over flowing the plate....sure beats a BBQ house hands down.

As I said I cooked us up some ribs. Now I have done ribs twice before and they turned ok. I mean that.... just ok. I never really cooked them the way they need to be cooked. This time however I smoked the devil out of'em. Six full hours of smoke and I tell you they fell right off the bone when I was putting them on the plate. Some mighty fine ribs...I really do like they way the turned out.

Beer can chicken....ok. I am getting sick of making beer can chicken. Its almost to easy and to tell you the truth. I would rather smoke ribs for six hours then a B.C.C. for two. The flavor, the smell, the everything ....... well. You get the idea.

All in all the BBQ was great and that was really about all that day that was great. Freaking Horns....

*By the way I improvised a grease trap for my grill. A Shiner Bock beer can held by a coat hanger. Now you know how we won the war against Mexico

EDIT: I was implying the ability of improvising in the face of challange. Not some sort of slang or something. Don't get your panties in a twist*

Catching up

ok, I know. A few of you have been asking when I am going to post next. Well, I said last night but I got lost in the moment. See....I have been working my tail off. Usually from 7am to 10pm I am trying to hammer out some work for a project. I still have a whole lot more to do but I have a lull in deadlines. I get to take a few days to relax before I jump back into it.....so I here am I, posting.

Government...tracking a blogger near you!

El Linko

The modern day search for/the Grendel(s) has netted the United States Government a new and powerful tool. It is a computer web searcher of some sorts and it allows Imperial officials to search out "bad guys" on the interweb and I assume to go blow them up. We usually blow things up...even when they are already blown up. I guess to prove that we do it better. And we do....

Dark Web's capabilities are also being used to study the online presence of extremist groups and other social movement organizations. Chen sees applications for this Web mining approach for other academic fields.

The "Dark web", as it is called, also helps Imperial officials to track just about anybody they deem worth tracking. Say... political opponents, opponent political organizations, political action groups, anti-government dissenters, upset people with the government, and people demanding better service at the airport. All sorts of useful stuff...

Which....um... for the record. I pay my taxes....please don't kill me

Holy snapping sheep shyt

Michigan is voting or has voted for a [sales?] tax increase of 3.90% to 4.35%

Link

Carol Anne Gotbaum

El linko de facto ex post newpapero for the storyo

Carol Anne Gotbaum died just the other day. She ended up involuntarily taking her own life when police arrested her for....well nothing really. Mrs. Gotbaum, a mother and seems like a normally nice woman, was arrested for protesting the level of customer service she received at an air port.

Upset that she was not allowed to board a plan that appears to not have left the tarmac, she got (understandably) upset. Now normally you can show your frustration with a company and demand to speak to a manager. You may go through normal channels to exercise your rights as a customer. You can, as the person that is paying, DEMAND the level of service you have paid for. That is unless you are at any of the following: ANY government building or agency (specifically the congressional building when General Petraeus is speaking), ANY University (when a government official or presidential candidate speaking), OR ANY airport, seaport, or any other center of mass transit.

She took her own life by trying to get the hand cuffs off of her and some how managed to choke herself to death....
while left alone ....
in a room ....
with no one to supervise her ....
while she was in custody ....
for a new "whatever" crime ....

THE END

Adding salt to the wound

Number 3, Oklahoma lost this weekend to an unranked Colorado team...

Number 4, Florida lost this weekend to an unranked Univ. of Auburn...

Number 5, West Virgina lost this weekend to number 18 South Florida...

The gains for the horns would have been Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Longhorns and Colt McCoy

Colt.......dude
.
.
.
.
um.....really? You're young and first string QB for the biggest college team in college football. You got my respect. Can you talk to coach and ask for help with the mental game just a little more.

I mean you have a great arsenal in terms of mental calmness. You're not even shaving yet and you are the QB for the UT longhorns...that's tons of pressure. You're following Vince Young.....that's tons of pressure. You're playing in front of millions of people...that's tons of pressure. And now you lost to K-state two years in a row....unranked K-state.

Take it up a notch champ. You're going to be a legend if you can do it.

The Jesus Fish Chronicles: Chronicle five, the mini-van cell phone driver

A JFC as been rare sight lately. I have moved to a small country neighborhood and you just don't see the kind of silly behavior from adults in the country as you do in the city. Lucky for me that I work in Austin Minor, a city that is working feverishly to become just like Austin Major.


The Jesus Fish Chronicles: Chronicle Five, The Mini-Van Cell Phone Driver.

September 20th
Time: 7:36 am

It was on an access road intersection in Austin Minor. I am heading to work and from the opposite direction there is a semi-truck in (their) the inside lane with a mini-van on the outside lane. Now both lanes are turn lanes but only their outside land is both straight bound or turn bound, while the inside lane turn only. Typical right?

Well justice was served today...for all those people that drive on the road with the pretentious, self absorbed, "me first", Escalade drivers who talk on their cell phones while driving. Yes sweat justice was served and the light side of the force grew a little.

Mrs. motor mouth managed to complete ignore the dotted yellow line and smashed her $40k+ mini-van into the much bigger semi-truck as SHE crossed into the other lane.

Government "protects" us again....

The Imperial Guard made another drug bust in the Empires war against drugs. The raid took place in Oakland, CA. and the place raided..... a candy shop.

See funny thing is that those wacky lefties in California actually did something right and legalized medical pot. Which, if you ever had a family member with cancer (I have), is a great piece of medicine, if you can call it that. Its more like an enabler for those with cancer to take their cocktail medicine to fight off or prolong the final effects of cancer.

But another point I would like to make.... it is not MY business what I decided to put into MY body? Not according to the Empire and the Imperial Guard.

Ignoring state law, the Imperial guard seized all assets of a candy making company that was making pot-laced candy. But not any candy...before you go up in arms, with names like "Mr. Green Bud" or "Stoned Rancher" or "Baby Jane" you obviously can see that pop-humor.

The argument that these could fall in the hands of children is a farce. A five dollar "Budda Finger" is no match the marketing power of a fifty cent "Butterfinger". Not the mention that these pot candies are NOT sold on the candy rack. The statement that these are in the environment of a child is simply not true. The market for these novelty candy bars is entirely on the realm of pot users and medical pot users that have the funds available to purchase this product. Namely anyone NOT under the age of 16 (legal working age).

...is any of this making sense yet?

Imperial guard violates state law to protect the children from the big bad drug pushers, when in reality children are not going to want to purchase this product anyway nor can the afford it. State law is broken, Constitutional boundaries have been breeched, Civil Liberties have been violated...all for the children. Awwwwww, how cute.

Sleeeeeeeeeep

*DISGUSTED*

Deep thoughts

If your accountant is Mexican ....... can you still get away with still calling him a bean counter?

A win for civil liberties

PORTLAND, Ore. - Two provisions of the USA Patriot Act are unconstitutional because they allow search warrants to be issued without a showing of probable cause, a federal judge ruled Wednesday. - Assoc. Press 9/27/2007 via MSNBC

Wow! What is it five years later and we are finally starting to win rulings against the un-Patriot Act? Still, I think Americans in general need to start waking up to this (soon I hope) and contest what the government is doing.

If we are not careful we could be the next Rome but I cannot say that I would expect Canada to burn the Aqueducts. Maybe Mexico and our roads?

Anyways...I beg my two readers to please take politics to heart. Even if its just keeping up with the news. K, enough from me.

RTFM

K, finally figured out how to get the comments to work again. You may have noticed but most likely you stopped here right before you started to surf for porn....so the odds are likely you never noticed that my comments were AWOL.

Well after a little research and then finally reading the manual I figured it out. Hmmmm well "figured out" it implies that I know what I am doing. More like the developer told me how to do it.

So basically you are going to see the most recent post. At anytime you can click the post menu and insta-load your post of choice. You'll notice that post load extra fast which, the net net, will get you to your nasty porn that much faster....assuming you come here before you search for porn.

Burma

Lord have mercy...if Americans had even an ounce of what these monks are doing over in Burma this would be a different world. Peace.....who knew so many people are for it.

Red River game announced!

Finally the BSC, or Fox Sports, or the U.T. Illuminati FINALLY announced the time and channel of the Red River Shoot Out!

For all you Yanks...that is just about the biggest game in college football. K, now go back to your honey nut lattes and badminton.

This year is extra special! Don't know if you heard but a longhorn fan was visiting Oklahoma and decided to spend some time in a local pub. About pee'thirty he had to go to the restroom or something. This apparently pissed off a Oklahoma fan AND CHURCH ELDER to the point where he attack the long horn fan and ripped his nut sack open. I kid you not, here is the article.

Now that alone is not really enough to get me pissed off. Sure, I was outraged when I heard it. And I calmed down when the D.A. pressed charges or something but then this happened

"I've actually heard callers on talk radio say that this guy deserved what he got for wearing a Texas T-shirt into a bar in the middle of Sooner country," said Irven Box, an attorney in this city 20 miles from Oklahoma's campus in Norman."

Oh really?! Wow so sporting your teams colors is "ethical" grounds for a firm nut grabbing? Better think twice about that kind of crap. Last I checked, UT fans don't move to Oklahoma but it seems that a lot of you Oklahoma folks just loooooove to move down here. You really don't stop wearing your team colors either. The way I figure....there is about a 10,000:1 ratio of Texas to Sooners fans. I'm sure we'd be more than happy to return the favor if that is the way we are going to play this game.

Let's keep this shyt on the field people....*firmly looking at OU fans*

New grill

Hot diggity dog! I got a new grill!

Work decided to give me a nice bonus, which is a huge relief! The bills situation is about the same and my mother is starting to pull in some income finally. Long story there, sort version: Mom worked at a clinic, accounting lady was corrupt, stole a lot of money, company went under, mom lost her job. She bounced back by taking a job at Sears until she can find a clinic job again. Till then we are tight on money.

So here I am, a few bucks richer and I am trying to decide what to spend my money on. I've been dying to try out the Chinese restaurant close to me, The Hao Ling Kat, but eating out just seems silly at a time like this. Course bills comes to mind but I am not really exciting about paying them off. They like to call every day and try to harass me and frankly.....I don't give a hoot if they aren't getting my money when they want it. Besides, what can they do to my credit? Already got a house, truck, and job. Not to mention years of good history! Any bean counter can look at the numbers and recognize a down slump.

Aye, so my point. Well wifey pointed out that I have been wanting a new grill for a long time now. I already have two BUT grill number one is a little Weber grill that I used for cooking a few hamburger patties. I would put anything larger than four patties on it. Oh don't get me wrong! Its the perfect size for cooking cats or other small meals, specially when the bigger grills take so much charcoal/wood to get going.

My big grill is one of those barrel grills you see for $60 at the local shop-n-steal. You've seen it, it looks like a barrel cut into two. Handy fella! Came in handy for my 4th of July BBQ when I was cooking for about a dozen folk or so. Problem is that the grill has two giant holes in it where the rust had its way. It also has about half of the bottom rusted out. I use tin sheeting to keep my coals in but those of you with a chemical back ground know that hot tin is toxic when converted to a gas. No bueno

Not to mention I do not have a smoker!

Well not anymore! Wifey shoved some bills in my hand, wrote a note and stapled it to my shirt and sent me to the market. I was to buy me a grill....with a smoker! Yippie!

No lie, when I got home I went straight to building my new grill-o-love right there in the back property. I think god was showing me a little love too! Not a single mosquito came to investigate the back of my knee.

It was a pretty day and not hot at all...just something about that day was magic. A man and his grill....should be a book title!

Well I got a lot of help from my mother and my son to get the grill together. Wifey helped big time by keeping the CLG (cute little girl) out of the mess. Nothing I would hate worse than smashing her little toes with a cast iron grill.

The instructions were obviously written by Rain Main and were a total pain in the arse to follow. It was pretty much built-by-picture and from that point on it went pretty smooth.

From start to finish I would say it took my all of two hours to put it together. Most of that time sitting on the tail gate looking at the instructions and cursing.

I added a few pictures so you can see my new beauty. I wuv it sooooo much !

My Sunset

Can't beat'em round here

Beer Can Chicken strikes again

Well this post is coming kind of late.

I did a second attempt on the beer can chicken. The first B.C.C. was under cooked and I had to microwave it to finish it off. Still it was mighty tasty and worth a second try.

This time I did it right! indirect grilling method again but this time the coals were closer together and I used an orange to plug the neck hole. The first time I used a potato and don't ask me what the difference is other than an orange taste around the neck skin. Functionally it works the same, keeping the beer vapors locked in.

Anywho....I brought that little bastard into the house after a two our roast on the grill. This time I knew the chicken was cooked properly! When I picked the leg off the chicken the meat slid right off. The Wifey managed to get the other leg off and gave it a gentle shake..resulting in the meat falling on to her plate. Yeah, it was done!

So all in all the second try was a major success!

keeer-rap!

Holy Moses....I have been feeling like someone hit me in the face with a sledge hammer. Monday I had people from work telling me to stay home cause I looked like crap. And as for yesterday...wife told me to stay home. I'm glad she did! I was not in any capacity to do any kind of work. I even tried playing Civ 4 and I ended up getting tired.

So I spent the day watching the history channel. I totally lucked out too! Almost the entire day we devoted to Rome and the Romain empire. I was in a total intellectual nirvana.

As for today.... I am still totally wiped out but I am at work. So at least I can feel like I have some measure of productivity. And hey, I did get at least five hours of sleep this time.

Oh, and yes. I have tons of posts to make (with pictures). I was trying to do it yesterday but the level of complexity that I was able to handle just about throttled out with using the TV remote. I think I might have time tonight but we have plans to eat dinner with my old friend Mikela.

I haven't seen her in almost two years and I miss her a lot. Time, family, and work just keeps me from getting hanging out with my friends (unless they come over). Anywho, I get to see her again and I am exited about that. Plus she is married now and is expecting in March (I think its March).

ok, enough from me. I have nineteen days of work to do in a span of seven hours. Catch you on the flip side.

New layout

Ok by now you have noticed the new lay out to my blog....and if you haven't you can count on me to never ride with you in the car. EVER!

Some things didn't make it over, like Sudoku. No biggie...I wasn't really planning to have it there for very long. If I can find one that fits the columns I'll add it back or something.

I'm still kind of drowning with work at the moment but I'll try to set aside some time to make a few blog posts.

Sudoku challange

k, my best time so far is five minutes and fifty five seconds...anyone want to try to best that score (time)?

Updates

Hey folks....I am looking for a new template that fits my mode of communicating. The template I have now is too skinny and doesn't offer a lot while at the same time it doesn't utilize all the "white space". Throw any ideas my way

I also added a game so that I could shamelessly whore myself to you to support my frail ego...love me

Beer can chicken!

I did my first beer can chicken this weekend! I took a five pound bird from my local HEB. They sell it cleaned, de-necked, and ready for a beer sodomization. My mother gave the chicken a nice rub down and I did the honors of downing half a can of the national beer of Texas.

All it takes is setting up the grill for indirect grillin' and to shove the beer up the arse end of the chicken. Two hours later, a bon-fire (still burning brush), and three dead mosquitoes later....we had some mighty fine eatin'.

sorry, I wasn't thinking and I did not take pictures :(

9/11

I'll start with two things; first I wanted to sit here and write a full detailed post about my feelings about 9/11. Alas, work is paramount and it just doesn't permit this. Second, I do NOT believe the governments' (executive branch mostly) story about this event.

Does this make me a conspiracy theorist....whatever. I get so disgusted when someone says it and now I have to bring that up before I even talk about 9/11. Dogma rules the seneca....

No....what this makes me is an analyst, a critical thinker, a questioner, a thinker, an open thinker, a deep thinker, and a patriot. You should never trust your government for when you do, you've become the enslaved.

So what is the point about posting this... well six years ago, today, thousands of people died right before my eyes. Images are still burned in my memory, sounds still ringing in my ears.

I know they'll never get a fair investigation and their memory will be used as a political tool for decades to come. I know that that day marked a day when religious extremism stuck such a blow, so deep, that we lost what it meant to be free and American.

That's the day the Constitution of the United States became optional

Stressing

I haven't been sleeping well and I can really feel it when I am at work. Most of my restless sleep comes from the stress at work. I have a lot on my plate and not a lot of time to do it in. I really shouldn't be doing this kind of work for the peanuts I make but the experience and exposure to what I am doing to priceless.

I did a recent survey of people in my field and I found that the median salary is well past $70k a year. I'm not even close....I've been stressing that to my manager but it seems like we are waiting for the planets to align before H.R. and finance get around to reviewing my demands. But its because they know they got my twig and berries in their palms. So that is stressing....plus we are having a hard time with the bills!

I had it all planned out with the money and the bills thing. We could have had everything paid off (minus the house and the student loans) by this time next year. But plans being plans, did not execute and now I am stressing over bills.

When I get home I tend to drink a little....to get the day off me....and then I keep drinking cause the day won't freaking leave. By the time I know it the day and I are sitting on the front porch telling each other how much we love each other as a brother and singing bar songs. So of course all this drinking and getting drunk is not letting me sleep well either. Which then makes me stress about not sleeping enough.

F............... I need a vacation

Out with the old ...

I was in H-E-B when, in a rare display of thoughtfulness, I started to look at all the coffee makers. My wifey has been talking about how badly our coffee maker sucks. We have three coffee drinkers in the house (me, wife, and my mother) and the little four "cup" coffee maker is just not up to par....double bogey really.

ok, so I am looking at the coffee makers and I see this super wiz bang coffee maker. It does delay brew, light or strong brew settings, plate warmer settings, a brew timer that lets you know how fresh a brew is, self cleaning, and hand jobs (the attachment comes in the mail when I send in the rebate), all for $25!


Normally the coffee maker is $50 but it is marked half off. The clerk said something about purging inventory...

The family is super happy with my find. Wifey can have the coffee brewed before its time to go and she doesn't have to take time out of her morning schedule anymore for coffee prep. Mother likes it cause it looks slick and now she doesn't have to start another pot of coffee after we leave. And I am spending a lot of time with the coffee maker when everyone has gone to bed.
Love this new coffee maker!

More rain

2am....that's about when I finally fell asleep last night (this morning). I wasn't up cause I was cooking brownies, playing Civ4, or watching a late late movie or anything. Nope, I was up cause of a strobe light of lighting going off just out side my house. Add to that a two hour series of wall shaking thunder going off every five minutes.

I was up because we had yet another thunder storm! If only I had managed to fall sleep before the storm hit. Well I did but I was having dreams of Auto Regression Integrated Moving Averages forecast modeling. A far part and journey of my usual Ninja army dream. You know the one where you have a pen, a garden hose, and one shoe and you still manage to kick some arse!

Math sucks....I want ninjas

Weird quotes from work 9-05-2007

Co-worker: "Uh huh.....kind of like saying "That's double redundant!"."

HCB: ".....God hates you......."

Opinion on Apocalypto

The story is centered in Mesoamerica and takes place at the Apex of the Mayan decline. The opening quote of the movie, "A great civilization is not conquered from without until it is destroyed from within" - William Durrant, sets the time line from which the movie starts.

The film follows Jaguar Paw, Son of Flint Sky, in his journey during this period and the challenges of that time. It's really hard to talk about some of the elements of the film with out giving away what happens. But be assured it has National Geographic nudity, blood, gore, violence, and plenty of subtitles.

Overall the movie felt slow....much like "Passion of the Christ", Another Mel Gibson film. The film is filed with detail to accuracy Mel Gibson is know for, and sometimes accused of going over board. However, the philosophy is interesting and the commitment to it for people during that time is amazing to watch. It is a rare glimpse into history that you get by watching HBO's: Rome.

I would recommend that you rent it....its worth it. Its not Braveheart or anything but its a good movie.

Opinion on Blades of Glory

This story of two antagonistic competitors that allow themselves to cause such rift in the figure skating community that they become banned from the sport. The story follows their casting out and subsequent journey to return to their beloved sport through a series if "hard times" team work.

Jon Heder plays his famious social awkward charater again. Much in the line of Napoleon Dynamite, Bench Warmers, and probably countless other movies (Minus the second half of School for Scoundrels). Unusually feminine in this movie, Jon plays an overly metro-sexual figure skater breed for combat...in the ice figure skating sense. He can probably make a mean tiramisu!

Will Ferrell plays...well ..... Will Ferrell, like he always does. But that is what we like and keep coming back for. Even when he puts out crap like "Kicking and Screaming". We just kind of ignore it and wait for his next movie. Well waiting is to strong of a word, more like made aware of and then see it when you have some free time or HBO feels like showing something other than indy documentaries.

Overall the movie was out right silly fun. The movie NEVER took itself seriously from the second scene on to the end. Filled with innuendos, asinine behavior, and lines that only Will Ferrell could say with a straight face..."Hey. They laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was gonna go to the moon. Now he's up there, laughing at them".

I would recommend seeing this movie. It is not a drama or actions flick. Don't expect Anthony Hopkins material. This is just totally silliness and it was a nice break from life.

Weekend recap 9/4/2007

Friday

Picked up the kids from school (one private and the other public, thanks to his mother!) and high-tailed it back to the ranch. Nothing I hate worse is getting into traffic with the subjects from A-town, Austin Minor, or G-spot (aka Georgetown). Nothing against you guys but you drive moonbat crazy (word shamelessly stolen from Lawdog).

I kid you not! Spend five minutes in A-Town traffic and the following WILL occure

1. No LESS than five times you will be cut off
2. A minimum of one person WILL use their blinker but only then as they travel down the speed lane at 55 for the next 15 miles.
   
3. Two people will rocket themselves from the left hand fast lane to the far right hand exit ramp, barely missing the barrier and depriving you of a show.
4. The speed limit will be 60, you and traffic will be at 80, and some A-hole in A-town will come up on you at 120 and live on your bumper for six seconds, move around you to give you the bird, then move to the person in front of you, or course you are slamming on your breaks when he does this.
5. You'll see one college student talking on the cell phone, smoking a cigarette (or something else), talking to their friend in the passenger seat, and head banging to music, sometimes applying make-up......the females too!

Wanna know why I moved to the country? (See above)

Saturday

UT 21 ASU 13

nuff said!

Sunday

Wifey and I went for a second visit to this new church the wifey found. It has a distasteful taint of Evangelism but for the most part it is a nice church. I am not to found of the attempt at Rock N Roll... We'll see if we stick with this church. Takes a while to see if it as House of Religion or a House of Faith.

I also honored the good lord with a little fishing out in his country. What can I say....Texas has a little bit of everything. You want flat lands, head east. Want lakes, head central. Want hills, head West. Want Desert, head waaay West. You get the idea.

Anywho! Got me three sun fish! My son was all over the place with this. He has never seen anyone catch a fish before and this was a totally new experience for him. To bad he drove me and my buddy Eric insane. In a total of five casts he managed to lose his hook, weight, and bobber five times. We had to put him in observation mode but hopefully he learned.

I think I need to let him practice casting back at the ranch. When he gets the hang of it we can try again.

Monday

I spent the day light clearing the ranch of my weed trees (Cedar). For you granola pounders, keep in mind that Cedar is not native to Texas, turns my soil acidic, and sucks the water out of my water table. The result is a dead forest of Cedar that not only kills each other off but prohibits anything from growing. Need to rekon' that the ground is basically course powder around a Cedar tree...not good when you live on a hill and rain comes to wash your top soil off.

The Cedars are getting tree-o-cide but you bunny thumpers can take heart that all the live oak saplings are taking off now that the Cedars are being cut down! So see, bad trees go away and good trees grown strong so you can molest them later.

OH! I am also preparing to transplant one of the adolescent Live Oaks to a nice spot in my front yard. In a few years (decades) it will provide some nice shade, look hansom, and provide some nice roots for my ecology.

During the evening we rented Apocalypto and (Watched) Blades of Glory. A few scribblings on Blades of Glory, despite the full on gay innuendos it was funny. In fact I think that made it funnier. Seeing hard core Mormon Jon Heder put into a seriously feminine role was amusing and Will Ferrell just totally exploited it.

Also educated my son on the finer arts of BBQ several times this weekend. Along with teaching him to flame cook hamburgers when the wifey wants you to double time it with dinner, all while keeping it from becoming blacknd'.

And I am hoping to watch Apocalypto tonight.

Oooonce there was this Ooooval

If by any chance you happen to meet me in person and tell me "Its the round rectangle" expect, and I do me in the immediate sense, that I will tilt my head to one side and look at you with wide eyes.

I see dumb people...................everyday.

the "meh" post

Don't say I never gave you nothin' which I haven't, I just don't want to hear about it.

Teh numbers.... Part Duex and a half and then finished

Thank goodness for Chinese food and a reduced cat population..... the Stats seminar is over! My view on the new version four of the program I spoke of in the last post, wery wiiiice! I can see me going all sorts of Doggie Howzer.....in a non-gay senetorial kind of way. Right, so, um, just call me number cruncher.

Even statisticians have humor...squared

Tam just gave me some good advice (as well as AD) about my site and my site traffic. First, I need more pr0n. That wasn't her advice but everything is better with pr0n. Second, just post something. So here it goes....wish me luck!

There was once a group of Biostatisticians and a group of Epidemiologists riding together on a train to joint meetings. All the Epidemiologists had tickets, but the Biostatisticians only had one ticket between them. Inquisitive by nature, the Epidemiologists asked the Biostatisticians how they were going to get away with such a small sample of tickets when the conductor came through. The Biostatisticians said, "Easy. We have methods for dealing with that." Later, when the conductor came to punch tickets, all the Biostatisticians slipped quietly into the bathroom. When the conductor knocked on the door, the head Biostatistician slipped their one ticket under the door thoroughly fooling the layman conductor. After the joint meetings were over, the Biostatisticians and the Epidemiologists again found themselves on the same train. Always quick to catch on, the Epidemiologists had purchased one ticket between them. The Biostatisticians (always on the cutting edge) had purchased NO tickets for the trip home. Confused, the Epidemiologists asked the Biostatisticians "We understand how your methods worked when you had one ticket, but how can you possibly get away with no tickets?" "Easy," replied the Biostatisticians smugly, "we have different methods for dealing with that situation." Later, when the conductor was in the next car, all the Epidemiologists trotted off to the bathroom with their one ticket and all the Biostatisticians packed into the other bathroom. Shortly, the head Biostatistician crept over to where the Epidemiologists were hiding and knocked authoritatively on the door. As they had been instructed, the Epidemiologists slipped their one ticket under the door. The head Biostatistician took the Epidemiologists' one and only ticket and returned triumphantly to the Biostatistician group. Of course, the Epidemiologists were subsequently discovered and publicly humiliated.

Get it! Oh my god...that one gets me every time!

Teh numbers.... Part Duex

Ok, well the roosters are crowing and eggs are cooking on the skillet. I have another day of SAS Enterprise Guide training. I won't bore you with the details, so in summary it is just a steam lined platform that enables someone like me to take all your data and tell you how your business is doing all in the matter of a couple of hours.....or more.

Its pretty exciting for me but lets face it....its class....about numbers......for eight hours. Not to mention that I am the type that starts day dreaming about fighting ninjas with a plastic fork with the theme music to "Last of the Mohicans" in the first five minutes of class.

AD, thanks for the advice. Two beers, two martini's, and two episodes of Star Trek: Enterprise later I was snoring on my pillow. Just what I need to decompress :)

Teh numbers....

eight hours of premier statistaical software seminars... teh numbers need a source. The source is clean btu even durty can become the clean. We need to source...we must issue statement. Then compute the columns...the columns are good. Eight hours of seminars....eight hours needs a format. I am statisistisitscval and then maritini and beer to decompress the compression rate of the computed columns.

numbers are the spice, the spice ifr the numbers....the spece is life. All hail the dark lord Xananu.

Eight hours tomorrow....tomorrow is dat 250,411 of the time series.

Site Traffic Report

Wow...48 unique hits this week and its not Friday yet! Man.......that is like almost half of one hundred. Half of one hundred people read my blog. Liking my blog is a totally different matter. Still, I am flattered.

So read on my half of one hundred readers! I promise more posts to come!

Ron Paul wins Alabama GOP straw!

OMG! When Ron Paul told us he was running for president I thought it was more of a symbolic thing. I guess he never talks about how much public admiration he has. Maybe that is why he has some much of it?

Anyways, I hear that he has won 4 out of the last 5 GOP straw polls! The conservative base is speaking out! Now maybe the liberal base will to. My god....to finally have a true constitutionalist in high office......I'm....I'm just stunned.

Here are his results! Not only did he win....he slammed dunked it.

Candidate	Votes	Percentage
Ron Paul	216	81%
Mitt Romney	14	5%
Duncan Hunter	10	4%
Fred Thompson	9	3%
Rudy Giuliani	7	3%
Mike Huckabee	6	2%
Sam Brownback	2	1%
John McCain	2	1%
Tom Tancredo	0	0%

*source: Tuscaloosa News 7/18/2007

For Crystal

This is for you Mrs. Finger Condom

Bryan Presents: Internet Nannies
(Nannies of the internet)
Today we w00t you, Mrs. Internet Nanny of manners.
(Mrs. Show me how to behave)
You've told us the real way to handle ourselves: even though you were never asked
(Way to step up to the plate)
“Your humor is racist and you should remove that post”, “you don’t need to tell your kids that”, and other words of wisdom that only you have and we do not.
(Ooooh Wise sage)
If you have a beef, you'll chip in with your guiding light. If there's a hurt feeling, you'll step in to scream “hey don’t make him feel bad!”. And if there's and injustice to someone that totally is not affected by what someone said, you’re there to defend them without even asking.
(Huh….I’m not even invooooolved)
So whip out the keyboard and start typing your opinions oh wonderful internet nanny. If there is one thing we need more of its your opinions..
(Nannies of the internet)

Life Quiz

Law Dog and A.D. took the test. I think Tam did also....seems that everyone is doing it, which is a perfect reason to jump on the band wagon :D

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.1
Mind:	7.5
Body:	5.7
Spirit:	7.8
Friends/Family:	7.1
Love:	7.3
Finance:	6.3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Report from the fishing this weekend

Well, my son and I headed out around 11am to go fish. Late I know but trying to get out of bed and turn around to get him ready at the butt crack of dawn is too much for me to handle. If you've ever seen me in the morning it ranks right around watching ooze trying to form a replica of Michaelangelo's "David". It ain't happenin'

I managed to herd my son out the door, which is like herding cats. Shoes.... Hat....your fishing pool, no not your bug net your fishing pole.....where's your hat......no your hat!.....this hat, this is a hat you know this.....Why are you not wearing shoes yet......SHOES not your sandals...

After getting my son in the car we headed out to Sandy Creek on Lake Travis. First Sandy Creek park is not a Creek nor is it Sandy. Second the water levels were HIGH from the two month monsoon we had AND the recent tropical depression.....poor depressed tropics. Side note, we also get to have our very own hurricane this week. F you Al Gore!!!!...where is the global warming you promised us! Coolest summer we have on record.

Anywho, water levels were high so that means all the bush life on the shore now makes for obstacles in the water.

ok, back on topic. So we get to the park, pay the eight bucks entry fee, for a state park, that my taxes pay for, to get into a park that I supposedly own via public domain....whatever. Its a small matter and I guess it helps the park people out which I am happy to contribute for that cause.

After parking my son and I wander around a little bit trying to find a good spot. Since the boat dock and its parking lot is underwater we have to park up by the front and then scout around for a good half hour. Finally we come to a small out cropping with plenty of shade.

I show my little five year old how to tie a Trilene knot which pretty much went over his head. Loaded up the stinky catfish bait and we both get to fishing. His first cast went all the way to the shore in front of him.....his second went into the rocks. I topped him by casting my first cast into a submerged tree. My second goes into the submerged bushes...third bushes again....fourth the rocks my son got stuck on.....

My son is very disappointed at this point. He was expecting to catch fish and stuff. Instead we lost four hooks, countless bait, snapped the line four times, and spent about an hour dicking around.

Finally we move spots on a small SOLID ROCK out cropping with NO BUSHES or TREES around. we load up the lines and totally managed to ........ catch nothing....for three hours. Yup, three hours we just sat there and roasted in the sun. It was a beautiful day, the clouds kept the sun from killing us out right, the air was clear and you could see for miles, and the hill country was splendid. Yet we caught nothing except for a healthy sun burn.

My son looked at me and asked if we could go home and get some water. I knew it was about time to leave. Four hours and not a nibble....I know when I am beaten. When we were leaving I found a shot glass right there on the rocks. It was one of those mean bunny cartoons that read "You suck...and that's sad". So at least I have an eight dollar shot glass to account for the whole thing. I also got some pictures of the whole thing. I'll post them here soon

Star Trek: Enterprise

I admit it! I have been watching Star Trek since the 80's. Come on, let's get this out of the way.... Trekkie, Nerd, Geek, Loser, Klingon arse ..........heh, that last one was a little uncalled for!

Well....so anyways. I have been recording Star Trek: Enterprise on DVR. I also watched the first season on Fox or whatever station was carrying it. It was a frustrating program to try and watch. They kept changing the showing times and ran the series out of order sometimes. Anywho, like typical fashion the show was canceled and I think we only get four seasons of this Star Trek. A Black mark on the Star Trek name and maybe the death nail to the whole business. In terms of new expansions.

The point is Star Trek: Enterprise. Its a show I do enjoy...mostly for the hot Vulcan babe and the ships communication office, Hoshie(sp?). Oh I do enjoy the plot and how the continuity behind the show is smack out of a Joss Whedon's "FireFly" (another show Fox managed to kill....bastards!). Some things I don't enjoy are the VEEEEERRY cheesy references to future Star Trek factiods, tidbits, and politics. I could understand a quick comment like "Man, we really need a directive or something. Not" We, going bodly where no man has gone before, need a prime directive, so we may continue or mission, to trek among the stars" with full on theme music that would but the Bolivarian National orchestra to shame.

And some of the personal traits of the crew. I get it, Commander Tucker likes Catfish! Every episode doesn't need to contain a reference to his mothers fried catfish.

And, for craps sake, could we please get more eye candy of the hot Vulcan babe? Why the hell would you cover her head to toe? She's hot for god's sake.....and this is space. Cause....somehow it being space means less clothes for some reason?

I think I lost that point right there.

I'm out *click*

Its legal to murder now

Mary Winkler killed her husband, She admits it and there is plenty of proof that she did it. So why is it legal? Cause she stayed in a relationship with her husband who was abusive to her. Instead of breaking it off and getting a divorce, you know the legal and approved way of ending a marriage, she popped him in the back with a shotgun.

Its totally legal now. You can kill anyone because the jury in that court has determined that murder, you know, killing someone, is totally legit if you don't want to file for divorce or just flat out leave.

Way to go America!

Court humor

Steve sent this to my wife, who sent it to me. It's from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.